How to change your thinking?

[WaterMyMind]

I've realized this week that I have dealt with the symptoms of major anxiety and depression since around age 13. I am about to turn 23, so the realization has been that it's been nearly a decade like this. One piece of advice that I have gotten over and over again is that I have to "change my thoughts". My mom refers to it as me having to "change my stinking thinking". I would love to be able to do that. It is so common a piece of advice that it makes me think there might be something to it. I just don't know how to do that. At this point, the negative thinking is so automatic. I don't even have to try. I don't even have to be conscious about it. It just occurs. Whereas when I try positive thinking, it can often feel like it's "fake", and I still have the negative thoughts in the background. I do meditation as well and a common practice is to label thoughts and then let them pass by, but they come back again and again and I still have the same physical effects from them (raised heart rate, crying, sick to stomach, etc.). I suppose I feel some guilt because I know my thoughts are my responsibility, but I don't know how to start to change them and I haven't been told how. Any advice?

[gajh]

Hello. I highly encourage you to check this out selftalkplus.com/ It is the self talk app. There is a 30 day free trial. There are many, many different programs. I listen to Believing in Incredible You, Overcome Stress, Worry, and Depression, and Going to Sleep every day. I have listened to almost all of the other ones too. I have also read his books. Shad Helmstetter. I know you don't believe what you are hearing with the positive thoughts, but they still get into your brain. It helps to counteract the negative thoughts. Yes the negative thoughts are automatic. It is not your fault. It is not something you can just overcome. You can't JUST "change your stinking thinking." If only it were that easy right? I am so grateful that someone here recommended this to me. I hope you check it out.

[LunarEcho24]

I'm trying to figure that out too, how to really change your thinking. It's not enough to just "think positively", as that sometimes is fake or unconvincing, especially if you're dealing with real challenges that aren't influenced by magical thinking of positivity. Positive thinking has to also relate to reality, it can't just be a lie that you tell yourself that sounds rosy.

Maybe the answer is to consider alternate ways of thinking, more constructive or helpful ways of thinking, and try them out. Like an experiment. Sometimes, more positive frames of reference and thinking are helpful, or at least not self-defeating like negative thinking. Sometimes, "positive thinking" doesn't really address the nature of the problem or situation and is just "toxic positivity".

I recently watched a corporate training video at work about "resilience". It's a four minute video that basically says, be positive, try again, and don't give up. Basically, "go get 'em Tiger, you can do it!" This taught me nothing about actual problem solving or dealing with real world stress. It is over simplistic toxic positivity, and just makes you feel worse for not being able to be better. Just work harder and be resilient! If only it were that easy, to just be more positive and move mountains with your mind!

Perhaps CBT exercises, and problem-solving exercises, could be useful for addressing problems and issues in a more systematic and constructive fashion. A little positive thinking might be helpful (or at least not overly negative thinking), but not the answer to solving life's perplexing problems. You have to believe the positive thoughts, and be able to act on them, for them to be helpful. Maybe "helpful thoughts" is a better goal than "positive thoughts."

[PacoDennis]

I have found that I have to take the time to quiet my mind and emotions first. Then ask myself what is important in the way I want to approach life. What do I really want out of living? Is it to be happy all the time? No, that would be nice but I am interested in many other things than just being happy. I want to feel connected to the life process as it happening right now. This includes everything, the good, not so good, bad, and even terrible parts of life happening all around me, all the time. I am tired of being only partially connected when I know I am as important as the sun, because I am here and without me there would be no life at all. so, requesting that the universe supply me with knowledge about life, and then listening to a response is very helpful for me. My request is honest, and what I hear from the universe is interesting. That is what's important. That I broke the negative thinking and am now in a actively interested state of mind. By doing this many times a day, it starts to become part of my life. I can switch to it if negative thinking starts to dominate my mind.

I hope this helps some. I know we are all different, and what works for one, doesn't work for everyone.

[designguy]

I practice my version of mindfulness meditation which is just sitting and letting my thoughts come and go and not reacting or attaching to them and when my mind wanders bring it back to focusing on my breath. The other really helpful thing is realizing and accepting that our mind has a negative bias in order to keep us safe because that is it's job and learning to not believe our negative thoughts no matter how weird or scary they are because they are lies. In fact sometimes the key is to do just the opposite of our thoughts that way they have no power over you.