I can't do this anymore

[2Scared]

I want to forget all of them, I want to forget everyone that has ever pushed me away. I want them gone from my brain. I want them in a ditch somewhere. I hate how I can't let anyone go no matter how bad they hurt me. I try and try and try to convince myself that I'm better off without these people cause that's what logic says. But the real me wants to cry and scream and cut and die whenever I think about how I'm never good enough for anyone. I try so hard to mend the broken pieces in everyone else...who is gonna help me fix mine? I'm so sick of hearing "well you have to pick them up yourself ". No shit, but why is it so easy for me to help everyone else... to cut myself on everyone else's broken pieces...my pieces get left on the floor to be stepped on and broken into even smaller specs of dust. My pieces are too much of a burden for anyone else to try and pick up any more than a couple. I feel so alone and pathetic. I want to be loved so bad. I want someone to look at me, see all the highs and lows and say "you're everything I could ever want". I can't stop crying, I just want to vanish from the world so I don't have to feel anything anymore. I'm so exhausted living for other people cause I don't see any value in living for myself. I just wanna be gone.

[blackcat64013]

Hi 2Scared,Thank you for such a raw emotional post.

It seems your mind like mine has before, is stuffed with so many negative thoughts and feelings that there is not much room left for summoning your last remaining energy to reach out for help.

I want you to know that you are not alone now. I care and want to hold you with as much love as I can muster. 🫂 💜

One of the tricks our mind plays after spirally down into depression is not thinking as positively or clearly as it should.

When you are ready, in your own time, reach out to the mental health line in the States. The number is 988.

Our forum members are from many countries so we can hold you 24/7 for as long as it takes.

I am taking my turn 🐈‍⬛

[2Scared in reply to blackcat64013]

This made me cry and was probably one of the sweetest things I've heard in a long time. I always feel so alone and that everyone would be better off without me and the pain of missing me would stop after a month. Thanks for sending the virtual hug/hold it felt nice ❤️❤️

[2Scared]

I try to say I'm worthy of love and then those I want to love me end up hurting me or throwing me away. I wish I could be cruel and horrible too, i think life would be easier that way. But for some reason I can't bring my self to stop caring. I'm going to try being consistent with my mood stabilizers and hope for the best. Thanks for all kind words, I can't tell you how much they mean to me right now :)❤️

[GreyWolf001]

As told previously, love yourself and put yourself first. You do not need to gain other people's acceptance to be worthy. Your worthiness is not derived from them at all. It is all about you in the end. Set some guidelines, be the best you you can be. Live your life the way that is best and makes you happy. Help others. Be kind. Do good. But not by crossing your own shadow. Do this all without losing yourself. Start small. Make your circle smaller so it would be easier to be you.