My mom's side of the family strikes again and bothered me again even here.

[Against_the_current]

I had just gotten better with therapy and a lot if self care but im still on the edge, past trauma, vomiting, exams, this guy, traveling. Idk why mom makes it such a bigg deal. I texted her at 9am im coming home tommorow. She has more than 24 hours. I need to go home but they made my face shiver even here. She messaged me to tell me whether to go to work with the car (she's having hard time driving i guess from her issues) to pick me up from the train station. I said dad called me and he said he will drive me. Really going from the station at homecity to home isn't a problem. The problem is going to the station here, on time, with the road construction, catching the bus because it's the last one, there are only 3 per day and i can't catch the early ones because sis wants to be home alone with her friends. How could i get such psychopathic mother and hysterical grandma. Grandma texted me and said "u didn't call" so i called her, finally relieved, finally had made that decision to go home, had therapy, had self care and she calls like "why do you bother my daughter?! You should have told her earlier". I didn't know she wanted to pick me from the station. And why calling grandma instead of me? "We're so stressed", yes because you two were broken by communism and picking bad husbands and not being ready to be moms and hating being moms. With these two hystericals it's no longer i humiliate myself just to get some help. Why not call me instead? It's midnight, she's probably drunk and "stressed". I messaged her at 9am and she's mad at midnight i didn't warn her, without knowing she plans to pick me from the train station as if it's the big sacrifice. If she wants to help me, she should pick me from here. I'm panicking again. So much hard work, therapy, rest, making that hard decision to go home, warning them at 9am, basically at least 30 hours in advance or even more. I didn't know she wanted to pick me. And why didn't she call me instead of grandma?! Now grandma is defending her baby daughter even though the baby daughter is 50 and im 23. Grandma said i could always share with her and now she's "me and ur mom are stressed, not only you are human". Then seek therapy, b*tches. I had just calmed im going home and now im scared to. They cause me breakdowns or at least panic attacks every night. Even when not here. But i can't stay here. What will i do? Do you see the keaypoints here? I hate how tangled my situation is. Also dad has promised to pick me before and he had cancelled so i was waiting for him. Once again, how could i know she wanted to pick me? How could i know she hates driving? This triggers me a lot. I was happy i finally sorted it out and this barbarian clan attacks. Mom passively aggressively said "then ho with your father", grandma said "i don't want to talk anymore" once I mentioned i understand they're stressed as well but we should have boundaries instead of stressing each other. And i told mom im grateful and i love her and if dad doesn't drive me, i will figure it out on my own. Litterary going home from the station at home is the easiest. Do you see the many knots? My face is shivering. These people made me so unwell that now i have to rely on them. Especially since my attempt for finding reassurance (that guy) caused me only more pain. They don't even know im sick because im dcared they would be mean to me. They don't even know i graduated master's degree because they would make me seek a job and im half-alive. I went half-alive to the exam. I need a little break but nowhere to have it. It would be good if i could find a job and move out to a safer place but not good opportunities for my degree.

[CLB1125]

you have such a tangled web! Maybe getting a job even if it’s not in your field right now would be a good idea . Getting your own place and independence might help you tremendously. I get tense just reading about what you’re going through. If you got a job in the town your family lives in, would you be able to the places you need to go easily? Where I live there aren’t any cabs or buses. Either you drive, get a ride or walk. I live 12 miles from the nearest grocery store so walking isn’t really an option.

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

Oh sorry. But in my place there are busses more than my university city even though it's a bigger city. That's the plan for now. Get some rest and find a job in my city so i can go to family if i feel sick again but that i don't have to listen to their bullshit. You get tense even reading it. This family is a brain killer.

[SoporRose]

Congratulations on getting. your Master's! That's an impressive accomplishment for anyone, but consider what an amazing feat it is for someone dealing with all your issues. You have such strength inside, though I understand that you probably can't feel it right now. But I am so very, very proud of you.

Get home, settle in, get some food and water into your system. There's no way you'll be able to start to think about what to do next until you get your basic needs met.

You wrote above "And i told mom im grateful and i love her and if dad doesn't drive me, i will figure it out on my own" and "I mentioned i understand they're stressed as well but we should have boundaries instead of stressing each other. " Well-done! Exactly the right things to say and the right ways to say them. They might not have gotten you the responses you hoped to get, but you know how hard it is to change. Keep repeating versions of these statements and at least you will know you've handled the situations in an adult fashion.

Some time ago, I sent you information about various careers for which your degree makes you a good candidate. I'm not able to re-do that research now, but if you can find it, perhaps it will help you in your job search. Some money in your pocket and the chance to be around people more mature than your college colleagues and family will probably allow you to breathe more easily than you have in years.

I believe you can do this. Look again at what. you've done: YOU GOT YOUR MASTERS DEGREE! And you did it in a year! That's a huge accomplishment. You are amazing.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you so much! You do understand me more than my family and colleagues. They just deprive me. At least you're happy for me and realise i was half-dead during studying and on the exam. And not only passed but got an A with zero sleep, food, heartbreak and vomiting. I need credit. They just say they had it worse. "I had a baby(you) and studied veterinary medicine and couldn't study online ". First of all i didn't make her study veterinary and she hasn't worked a day in her life as a vet. She crossed all of Bulgaria and yelled at the deans and refused better options to study veterinary. I didn't make her get pregnant. (I'm so sick of being blamed for pregnancies my dad caused). She could have eaited 1 year to graduate. And i wasn't an accident. She "wanted a baby". Only to abandon this baby in the forest to her mom. When im in crisis dad always yells at me to act like an adult so that's what im trying to do with mom. And im trying to express my empathy as i feel it but mom doesn't register it. She's a psychopath - she doesn't understand other people have feelings. You're right. In Maslow's pyramid of needs i need to meet my basic needs. I vomit everything i eat if i eat at all. I can't sleep. I am alone. She should start seeing me as an adult that i am but ahe doesn't as i "don't have work or school". It's really hard in this country to find a job with this degree

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

You got an A!!! I’m not really surprised because you are so smart and always do so well on your exams no matter how awful the rest of your life is, but you definitely deserve to have your achievement celebrated. Woo-hoo! That is fantastic!

🦸🏻‍♀️🎓🥳🌹💐🎇🌠🎆

I am so, so sorry your parents don’t realize what an accomplished kid they produced. You make them look good, too.

What foreign countries have companies in your city? Even if they aren’t advertising jobs, you could still ask for an informational interview to put yourself on their radar. There is so much you can do with a psych degree, like work in Human Resources. And working for a foreign company t help you move somewhere you feel like you belong.

Keep up the empathy statements. Your mom may never register them fully, but also, she might. But it will take time and lots of repetition.

I’m so proud of and pleased for you! Congratulations on getting your MASTERS degree!!