V*miting from anxiety. My ex's brutal response

[Against_the_current]

Someone dear to me(this guy) said he was moving to Canada just before my exam. I cried all night and went to the exam. I came back, ate and fell asleep. I woke up nauseous and texted him. Mf is not only guilty for the reason im crying all night before my exam and feeling so unwell but he had the audacity to say "im not a doc, ur" and "goodbye. Our ways part here". I said "please, I'm texting you for comfort, don't say this, i cried all night (because of him), i had my exam, ik he's not a doctor but at least to tell me "sorry, can't help". And i said im not home, i can't deal with this alone. He said"im texting u the same thing in 2 hours, if you're not home, it's not my problem ". Like I can't go home in 2 hours. Like if you can't help, at least don't make it worse. Let me rest. Idk whether to try to go to the doctor's here or they will gaslight me. Yes, i am "anxious" and that doesn't mean i didn't just puke. Anxiety makes my gastritis worse. Anxiety is an illness in the МКБ. And illness overlap. I can't eat. Damn, i bought food. I am overwhelmed. The exam. Sis doesn't want me home, dad wants me home. I guess i need to go but i have to warn mom and sis and bring all the food i bought. And i confuse dad whether to send me stuff or not. And my landlord called. And it's too much.

I v*mited. I called the ambulance, they just told me what meds to take like I don't know. I called the closest emergency room they told me if they come it's 90 bucks, if i go is 60. I called the Bulgarian red cross as they provide some psychological help and could help with an ambulance but they didn't pick up. I'm wondering whether to go to an emergency room near but i went 2 years ago and he hitted me two shots of diazepam and said it's all anxiety. And then said each one is 20 bucks, i didn't have money with me. One year ago i went for a fracture (nothing to do with anxiety). The doctor just told me again to drink a valerian root and that i still owe 40 bucks. And soon my insurance will be over. Meanwhile my doctor is in my hometown and i can't get stuff here. My psychiatrist,which is based here, is on the seaside. Idk whether to go. I just need the human contact and someone to take care of me. I feel bad i bought food and I can't eat nor leave it here and go home. I have gastritis. It's really bad here. My classmates tell me to stay here that my mom's toxic but im just so nauseous here. Especially after the event last summer getting sick and with that heartbreak and with him being unnecessary cruel. I do have anxiety. But i have gastritis as well. I vomited for real, not in my head.

P. S. Passed the exam with A even though i was half-alive, no sleep, crying, no food. Now i have a master's degree. But i can't tell parents because im scared they will stop my money and kick me out.

[Starrlight]

omg I’m so happy for you! You did it! I’m so impressed. I’m sorry you are still suffering but even so take time to celebrate your accomplishment.

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you

[CLB1125]

congratulations on the A! That goes to show you that even when things seem at their worst you are still strong!!

This man is horrible! You don’t deserve someone like that in your life. He was of no help to you but you still passed your test. You can do it!

I’m not a doctor or therapist but I I can see you believe you need someone to take care of you. You are a young strong intelligent woman. You only lack the self confidence you need to care of yourself. Have you eaten anything? Having an empty stomach will make gastritis worse. Try to eat something light. Toast, crackers or such.

Are you finished with school for this year? Or have you completed your courses? What will be your next step? More school or finding a doctor to work with as an apprentice for a while? Not sure how it works…I am proud of you!!

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

Thank you! So true. I'm finished and now idk what. Here it's really hard to get a job in this field and you need more courses and experience and money and im broke and tired and my family expects me to get a job but i can't. Not without more courses but i was half-alive at the last exam. I need rest

[Tracey0101]

Feel for you bless you so much do what is best for you no matter what others say to you you are your best judge you don't have to do what others suggest be your own boss and take the driving seat. It's up to us what we choose to do in life. I have taken from others and I have been astray from my family and others and I needed to do whatever I choose to do not from others. I have been on the wrong paths so many times in my life and ended up being abused and suffered mental illness since very young child and I am still suffering mental illness. I have autism and learning disabilities and anxiety disorder and bipolar symptoms and I have ptsd and I have psychosis depression and I physical health problems and in lots of pain 24/7 recently blood tests results are positive for Sjogrens syndrome. I feel very lonely and isolated day to day I can't at the moment be in busy crowded places because of my sensory imput is really difficult at the moment because sensory imput is too overwhelming for me. Not just the noise but smells, vision, hearing, migraine, noise, touching sensitivity movements and balance, thinking and concentration difficulties lights the brightness of everything even though its pretty and lovely and even the very quiet and gentle movements hurts the most. The teddybear hugs I usually love hurts too but they hurt less than the gentle ones.

[Tracey0101]

ays I miss them all I have to hold onto them invisible at the moment because I cannot bear bear to have them for real but they are good to hold on to have them again once this is done for this time as I know it will come back again in a few months as always does but the only way is up.