How do you not feel ugly...

[2Scared]

I hate the heat, not just cause I get overheated very easily but because I have to show more skin. I feel so ugly and fat all the time. I know biologically I am a "healthy weight" but the closer I inch to underweight the happier I become. The more of my ribs that show the better I feel about myself. I can't say how many times I've examined every ounce of fat I have on me over and over. I want to just cut it off with a knife or say f--- it and just pay for liposuction so I can get it off of me. I want to feel pretty like other girls, but every time I look at myself I see something that looks like it crawled out of the sewer. I think that's why I let males walk all over me, cause if they want to sleep with me it must mean that at least some part about me is palatable. But when there's no intimacy involved, I feel so disgusting and hideous. I've hated myself for as long as I can remember. I have no idea what loving myself or thinking I look even halfway decent feels like. I don't wear makeup and it makes me feel so ugly compared to everyone else who does, but I don't want to wear it at the same time. I want to be feminine and elegant and pretty like everyone else. I hate myself and I hate being myself. I don't know what to do anymore. For once, I want to feel beautiful, but I never have. I don't think I ever will.

[012703060610]

My heart goes out to you. I don't know your age, but it is very easy to get wrapped up totally in appearance. I have never worn make up my whole life and had a very active dating scene. I, too, never felt pretty. I always figured the guys paid attention to me because I am more like a guy. I love playing poker at the casino, avid sports fans etc. It wasn't until my 30s that people were so impressed that I never wore make up. I have never dyed my hair. A few grays are finally coming in but that's it....and now I'm 45. I was very obsessive about my weight after college. I wanted some pounds to come off, but just never got there. Today I am at the top of my BMI, I know it is too big for me. However, I only have a goal to lose maybe 10 pounds with now timeline. I wear longer sleeve shirts, even though I truly know my arms aren't fat. I know it seems impossible to unwire your thinking right now. I suspect you are much harder on yourself than anyone else. I did get a tummy tuck after I had my kids. It was a fast and simple solution. I still have no feeling in most of my abdomen. I now know the easy solutions may actually cause more pain and discomfort.

[hypercat54]

Wanting your ribs showing is not healthy and I am concerned you keep thinking you are fat when you clearly aren't. Some fat is essential otherwise we could be dead.

Do you think you have or are developing anorexia? Eating disorders are common so I think you need to see your doctor to discuss how you are feeling.

How about therapy too? That might help you tackle the ugly feelings and your lack of self esteem.

Please don't damage your body like this. It has to last you a long time.