Need support. Nocturnal panic and nausea, wanting to go home

[Against_the_current]

I tried to go to bed early and now I get up and I'm sick and I think about my ex and I'm even more sick and I want to go home and they have to paint the ceiling. Why did I eat so late, sprayed for mold and wrote to the ex...I was not myself while waiting for the sink. But I really tried to go to bed early and get up early. I woke up feeling nauseous and panicked. And asking to go home, but mother doesn't understand what hell it is to be sick. She says I always feel nauseous

[litethatnevergoesout]

mom is just unsupportive and insensitive, it’s probably best to limit using her as a source to talk about your troubles with. I understand you’re list of people to reach out to is limited. she’s going to disappoint you, it’s sad because you need compassion and she isn’t helping. I eat late a lot too, I need more self discipline cause it adds to sleeplessness and not feeling well. we aren’t too different by the wording of things although our circumstances are very different, I wake up panicked and want to go home as well. hang in there.

[Against_the_current in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

It's a shame really. Glad you understand. I didn't call for support. She called me to see if i arrived and i was at my limits. I need her. If not support at least to understand that i also struggle and it's not a competition and that im not resting all day.

[SoporRose]

Has your mother forbidden you to go home or is she being her usual negative self? Could you ask her what she needs to happen to have you come back? Or offer what you can do to make it work? Your mom is right that you are always at nauseated when at your accommodation, but that's a reason for you to quit living there, not a reason for you to stay. I know it's hard at your mom's place; you and she are both caught up in your own heartaches. But I think that you care about each other. I remember how your mom has taken care of you when you've been injured and I know how much you want her understanding, approval, and support. I wish you had a positive move to make rather than being cught between two evils, but home with your mom and sister seems better than your little room.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Yeah. Her usual self. Hasn't talked to her since because i can't handle her, i already know what she's going to say "the car's broken, sis has some plague, work is hard, etc". Just the last time we spoke she told me to seek another accommodation and i don't have money for that or for the rent for a better place. I'm willing to bear her drinking and abuse if she lets me live at home. At least live at home till i get used to working and find a place and get more stable. I'm already helping her with housework but she doesn't see it, she tells me "clean" and i clean, also dishes and rubbish and it just takes one word from her. I'm also willing to find a part time job and help her just to be hone

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

All that sounds like you're doing exactly what you should be doing to make things easier at home. I am SO sorry that your mom doesn't see and acknowledge your contributions. What are you thinking you will do? I hate the idea of you being in that miserable little room.