separating again

[shyynoir]

I’m sorry for venting again for many times on here but I just want to get this off my chest a bit

Warning: suicide mentions, self-dehumanizing, self harm, existential crisis, loneliness, body dysphoria I guess.

Other than my fears of growing older, being dramatic and the stress and the fears of wasting my youth over nonsense.

My mom ask me why can’t I be like the other overweight people, she’s right. Here’s my answer, I’m unable to make any more efforts to be social, improve my self esteem, unable to take care of myself, I have poor personality traits, and I know myself well enough that I’m going to stay like this cause I give up very easily.

I don’t have plans to get better because I’ve tried that many times and nothing works.

The only thing that makes me stop thinking like this is by pretending that I don’t exist and dehumanizing myself even more, at least that makes me stopped feeling jealous of other people.

I’m too tired to try to “enjoy my youth” or proving others that I have worth when there’s nothing. I’m incapable to be happy, act like my age, and pretending that I want to live my life to the fullest. My personalities are awful, my appearance are too ugly, and I hate being forced to stay alive for nothing.

The reason why my life is not “beautiful” because I fucked up my life really bad, I don’t put any effort in my life and I didn’t take my life seriously.

[Ellamaye]

Shyynoir you really sound like your suffering right now. I'm glad you posted and got your feelings out there. I don't need to tell you it's not the normal to think so badly of yourself? What help are you getting for these bad thoughts? I don't know you so can't list your good points to you. But on a scale of 1 to adolph Hitler, I'm going to take an educated guess that your not as bad as you feel you are x

[Shnookie]

please call up 988 crisis hotline. Do you have a therapist ? If not please call 911. U should not be suffering like this. Your life is precious. I’m here 4 U.

[Cleaner]

I here what you are saying I have felt the same all my life ,it was as I thought I had written all those problems. I'm not very good at giving advice . I don't no how I have kept going all these years but some how with therapy and crisis line I am now aged 62. So please hold on you are a beautiful person and nothing less.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Shyynoir,Thank you for your post.

It seems you are highly aware of your symptoms because you live with them 24/7.

If you have hope and are prepared to work with a mental health professional (knowledge of medicine) and your knowledge of yourself, I believe that you can get somewhere towards healing.

I can't prescribe anything so I would like you consider making treatment and some life goals your priorities, even though it's hard to summon the motivation to get started. The forum members will be here to support you.

Change is possible if you dare to believe 🐈‍⬛