I’m sorry for venting again for many times on here but I just want to get this off my chest a bit
Warning: suicide mentions, self-dehumanizing, self harm, existential crisis, loneliness, body dysphoria I guess.
Other than my fears of growing older, being dramatic and the stress and the fears of wasting my youth over nonsense.
My mom ask me why can’t I be like the other overweight people, she’s right. Here’s my answer, I’m unable to make any more efforts to be social, improve my self esteem, unable to take care of myself, I have poor personality traits, and I know myself well enough that I’m going to stay like this cause I give up very easily.
I don’t have plans to get better because I’ve tried that many times and nothing works.
The only thing that makes me stop thinking like this is by pretending that I don’t exist and dehumanizing myself even more, at least that makes me stopped feeling jealous of other people.
I’m too tired to try to “enjoy my youth” or proving others that I have worth when there’s nothing. I’m incapable to be happy, act like my age, and pretending that I want to live my life to the fullest. My personalities are awful, my appearance are too ugly, and I hate being forced to stay alive for nothing.
The reason why my life is not “beautiful” because I fucked up my life really bad, I don’t put any effort in my life and I didn’t take my life seriously.