I am not quite the best at explaining emotions as of now. Lately, I have been becoming mute every time I have an episode and eventually speak but only by stuttering and slurring my words. In these deep times, I usually hide in my room and blast music that I could feel beats into my skin. I like that feeling of the beat dropping and it drops all your upper organs to the bottom.
I have been having episodes more frequently lately. I usually last 2 weeks happy and wanting everything to be perfect. But then, at the most random of times, I fall into a depression where I do not want to even get out of bed and begin crying my eyes out every second. Sometimes during these episodes I cut clothes, move my room in different directions, or even shave all my hair off, just yearning for something new.
As I am currently writing this, my head is cleanly shaven after hallucinating and crying all week. I felt happier and safer when I shaved it, but now it seems that the euphoric feeling is over.
It has been especially harder these days since my best friend killed himself last August. Without him, I feel like I lost my number one source of safety in this world. I just hope that I can see him one day in the end. Then I will tell him all about that last Cubs game he missed. I know no one will ever replace him but I pray everyday that I could find that one friend to connect with again and not feel alone anymore.
Bipolar 2
Bipolar and depressed
Bipolar Depression?
