I want to kill myself, I think in my head. I am worthless, useless, a failure who makes repeated mistakes. If I did something really right it would be a miracle. I should not exist.
Then I think about the president of the United States. A hateful, selfish, bigoted, racist man, who takes advantage of others on a daily basis and only cares about money and power.
I feel badly when I kill a spider. I apologize and wish I was a better person. I cry when I don't take my dogs to the dog park because I feel like a horrible human being. I love to watch the honey bees flitting amongst my sunflowers in my pesticide free garden. My heart is heavy with the hate across our world. The souls who have been murdered, tortured, abused weigh heavily on me. How can humans be so cruel? You may have my last bread crumb if you need it, the shirt off my back, the shoes from my feet. I would give you my health if I could. My life if it were possible.
But I can't and I am nothing. A worthless lazy burden who should not exist. But to be brave enough to kill myself means to hurt my youngest child, and that is not fair to him.