Fear of Strangers

[EricJones]

Hi my name is Eric. I get super uncomfortable when i go outside and I'm around people. Particularly strangers. I tense up, my head stiffens. body moves slower than usual. I'm timid. I'm just terrified of strangers. Can someone give me help on breaking down my fear of strangers please?

[EricJones]

well i can relate to your daughter..mine my social anxiety happened around the pandemic as well...i'm just afraid that they'll judge me or laugh at my awkward body language

[EricJones]

i'm trying to get there but idk how. i dont know how to stop caring because of the potential embarrassment

[hypercat54 in reply to EricJones]

I have said this before to you and will say it again. Others are much too busy worrying about themselves to give anyone else much thought. That is reality. People are much too self absorbed to even spare you a passing glance. Why do you think they care about you and how you act?

Ask yourself why you are so important to strangers that they must watch and judge you. Do you think you are important to them? If so why? Trust me they are not watching you at all - well not unless you act strangely in public and they notice. Then most would just feel sorry for you anyway. Just act like you see everyone else do and then forget about them. They don't mean anything to you or you to them after all.

[EricJones in reply to hypercat54]

hypercat54, i dont believe i'm important to strangers, i just feel like i have weird body language, thats noticeable to other people and that will catch random strangers eyes

[hypercat54 in reply to EricJones]

What's weird about it? And why do you think it's noticeable enough that others will notice?

[EricJones in reply to hypercat54]

because i follow other peoples body movements with my own body movements....sometimes i jolt and flinch whenever someone moves...i'd expect they would pick up on that if it had to do with their own body movements

[hypercat54 in reply to EricJones]

Make a conscious effort not to. Have you any evidence that anyone has picked up on it?

[EricJones in reply to hypercat54]

but its instinctive, its hard to hold back instinctive behaviors..you dont really have much time to do so....and no i have no evidence that anyone has picked up on it

[hypercat54 in reply to EricJones]

Prepare yourself before you go out. It is hard but is doable. Also its appears no one has noticed yet so the chances are its not as pronounced as you might think.

Try and spend less time in your own head and instead look at what is around you. Is it a nice day? Sunny? Cold? What colour is the store and the interior? What are you looking for on the shelves. This is called mindfulness or grounding yourself in the present.

[EricJones in reply to hypercat54]

how do i ground myself when i'm around my housemates that i live with?

[Hidden in reply to EricJones]

Read a book, listen to music that you like, write in a journal anything but dwelling on your's or other's outer appearance. That's being in the moment.

[CLB1125 in reply to hypercat54]

I agree with you on this.

[Craigliving4Jane]

Eric

Is this possibly a chemical imbalance problem with possible answers to try and help

[Craigliving4Jane in reply to Craigliving4Jane]

I don’t do it so much as I did before, but I used to walk in a room and check out every single person in the room, body language, facial exotessions and alike

. For me much of what I was doing was to analyze how to better understand people to operate my my business. To better understand how to appeal to their there wants and needs in order to give them the best service that I could.

But also, it was something that I had a lot of trouble controlling and I’m doing better now but I’m 67-year-old, and it took me years to kind of figure out and to do better with ut up

Now that doesn’t sound exactly what you’re going through but I can somewhat relate to what you’re going through

[EricJones in reply to Craigliving4Jane]

you seem to have done it for your job and deliberately picked up on someone else's body language, whereas i don't do it deliberately, mine is instinctual...but nonetheless we both pay attention to peoples body language. My question to you is how do i stop paying attention to what people are doing so it doesnt seem intrusive?

[Craigliving4Jane in reply to EricJones]

I probably didn’t explain myself well enough. I’m bipolar and part of my five symptoms is low self-esteem and I’ve been a people pleaser all my life. The reason that I’m a people pleaser is to feel better about myself to feed that monster of low self-esteem

By doing this analyzationof people wherever I go, doesn’t matter where I’m at then I’m better able to feed that monster by being able to ask questions of other people that makes them feel good so that they feel good about me .

so I would say in many respects, you and I are much alike. For most of my life, I’ve struggled to lasso and manage my brain, which sounds similar to what you’re going through.

That is why I asked about is there possibly a chemical imbalance that is making you have such extreme symptoms. Your symptoms sound more debilitating than mine were.

Any thoughts on that?

When I was diagnosed I was told my brain is 100 times more powerful than most people walking this planet. it’s been a great thing to use for good and a really hard thing on me also. I’ve been able to control it somewhat, especially later, but I will tell you when I would make a mistake back in the day it would regurgitate in my mind over and over again for days and then it would go away and then weeks later it would reappear and sometimes months later and years later it would come back and they still do , I obviously have not totally mastered the art of understanding my brain .

I believe I’ve found some level answers through medication in the last couple years and I’m definitely doing better so that’s why I asked a question where are you standing with diagnosis and meds etc. to possibly help with the noise that your experiencing?

Personal techniques are awesome but until you cross off the imbalance question you may or may not struggle.

Hopefully some suggestions on here can help you find answers no matter what’s going on with you

Much love.

Craig

[EricJones in reply to Craigliving4Jane]

yeah idk my dad says i have a chemical imbalance but the doctors havent found anything that seems to help my brain. So i'm waiting for therapy to see if they can teach me a different way of thinking.

[Craigliving4Jane in reply to EricJones]

That sounds like an excellent idea my friend. What we’re talking about can be very much a movie target and not easy to diagnose and figure out.

Feel free to direct message me anytime if you want about to bounce things off of me

[CLB1125 in reply to Craigliving4Jane]

How do they find a chemical imbalance? I hit on the statement you made

I would make a mistake back in the day it would regurgitate in my mind over and over again for days and then it would go away and then weeks later it would reappear and sometimes months later and years later it would come back and they still do

I have things pop into my head from 50 years old. And I really get upset by them still.

[Craigliving4Jane in reply to CLB1125]

Since it’s been a minute since I looked into the actual definitions of diagnosis of chemical imbalances, I just researched it again.

as with so many things in our world of mental health challenges, it’s not exactly defined and a moving targe. I would think it be a good idea to Google yourself.

As far as these reoccurring thoughts, as you describe, that affects both you and . I finally found some major relief to my anxiety and depression as helped greatly. Also, I’ve had to work hard at techniques to move my brain off of those reoccurring thoughts on something, nice and uplifting

For me can be a variety of things, but one of the best ways for me is to go to a place that was special to me. I lived on Oahu, Hawaii for most of my 20s and I’ve described on here one other time there is thus one particular wave that I was body surfing st pipeline. I’m a lot older now, so body surfing is few and far between for me but back then I eent every day, Thus I’ve wave stays foremost in my mind. So when those thoughts hit and invariably they do. I do everything in my power to switch off from those and go to someplace like that wave or that mountain or that movie or that friend or that love one. Obviously you get my drift.

In my travels of searching for ways to battle against my symptoms that basically started when I was young with very low self-esteem, and then at 24 years old experiencing the first ongoing of bipolar depression I’ve not found a medication that stops those ruminations.

Maybe someone on here knows something I do not

To recap. If your symptoms are still accentuated. Keep trying to find relief there and that will help with those reoccurring thoughts in my opinion. Also find those diversions that you can use to shift off of those crappy thoughts

Much love and great luck

Craig

[hopefulforrecovery]

hey Eric. I just wanted to say that I can relate to you and that you’re not alone. It is a huge struggle for me as well. I have to work with the public at times so it makes work a huge challenge for me and is super anxiety provoking for me.

[Stippler]

I cannot offer anything but that I also am deathly afraid of strangers, so you are not alone.

[EricJones in reply to Stippler]

what about stranger makes you afraid?

[Stippler in reply to EricJones]

I am schizophrenic and it shows. When I am around strangers, my anxiety is so bad that people come up and ask me if I am okay. It makes me just wish I was invisible. I have tried to "face my fears" and make myself get around people, but it doesn't work and I just get more anxious. So I just stay at home and draw pictures.

[secrets22]

Hello Eric, i can assure you you are not alone, i go through the same as you, so much so i go into panic mode and find myself shutting myself away. I miss out on so many social events due to being nervous in new company and i don't know the answer.

[Pollycricket]

Perhaps going with one friend or family member. Start out by going someplace where there is few people and limit yourself to maybe ten minutes. Maybe go to a store of your choice with the thought of getting yourself something special. Maybe just a candy bar. Just try and concentrate on what you want to buy. Get that one thing and leave. If you can’t stay long enough to get that one thing, that’s fine. Try again another time,

[WhitehorseTN]

Hi, Eric. There are quite a few good suggestions already given in the responses above, so I'll be brief. Have you tried exercise, something like Tai Chi, or stretching and calisthenics? There are many resources online to help and given instruction.

[EricJones in reply to WhitehorseTN]

no i havent tried these things..too afraid to go out and do it

[WhitehorseTN in reply to EricJones]

I understand. Fortunately, there's no need to go out to do these. Via YouTube, Rumble, and other Internet sources, you can find tons of material and instruction. I suggest a search the sources using the particular type of exercise along with "… for beginners." For example, "tai chi for beginners."

[Platesofmeat]

It sounds like Social anxiety which mental health professionals are very aware of. Have you had a diagnosis for this, they can treat it?

[EricJones in reply to Platesofmeat]

i have social anxiety disorder

[scansnap]

I have read the comments of others, and agree that most people really don’t care very much about what you do or how you look unless it is something very strange or threatening.

You might want to ask yourself what it is that you fear about other people or what might happen and then ask yourself how realistic is that thing. One way to approach this is to ask yourself what is the best thing that could happen, what is the worst thing that could happen, and what is the most likely thing that could happen?

[EricJones in reply to scansnap]

the best thing that could happen is that no one notices, i can be myself and feel free to know that my body language is satisfactory... the worst case scenario is that people pick up on my body language, look at me all at once and then give me a weird look, like i'm so alien that shouldnt be there....and what i think is the most likely thing is that a few will notice and not say anything i'll still be worried about it but nothing will happen to me because of it