My experience with mental health and First Episode Psychosis.

[shawshankred]

The way in which acute Psychosis can affect your life is so overwhelming that I thought I’d write a piece to spread awareness and combat the stigmatization that this symptom of mental health illness has in our society.

I have had a few years of struggles with anxiety, panic attacks and depression, always masking my mental health by abusing substances and pretending that things are ok in order to be a functioning part of society whilst also being able to work a full-time job in the hospitality industry over a decade, which is an occupation that brings all sorts of problems due to its ironically anti-social nature as you are expected to perform in late nights, early mornings, weekends and weekdays alike.

In early 2023 my life was turned upside down due to the loss of my best friend to Cystic Fibrosis. At this point I started isolating myself and tried to take care of my physical and mental health by avoiding toxic behaviours and acquiring positive habits.

Nevertheless, my mental health slowly took a turn for the worse, with overwhelming symptoms turning into a what has been described as a “fight or flight” response from my brain, with my stress threshold overflowing and causing a break from reality known as a Psychotic episode.

After a few days where I simply could not sleep more than a couple of hours a day, with life going at top speed, one day I woke up and my mind was working differently. It started after I took myself to A&E, looking for support with sleep and mental health. I got seen by a mental health nurse and got sent back home with advice on medication that I could pick up over the counter and services I could self-refer to.

What happened the following morning is something that is difficult to put into words, and the memories of it are slightly blurry. My perception of reality completely shifted, I thought that the podcasts I normally listen to were speaking to me and me alone, I also thought I had 2 options – being put into a psychiatric hospital for the rest of my life, or being taken to the USA to be put on an electric chair by the CIA due to my left leaning political views and history of social and political activism in South America where I am originally from.

My friends noticed I was in a crisis as I barely recognised them and thought they weren’t who they really are, I thought they were actors and actresses, who were in fact mental health professionals, and I was some form of case study.

I went for days without eating, as I was suspicious of everything and anything, I was convinced people were trying to feed me general anaesthetics, in order to be able to take me away. I would resist sleeping too.

I then was convinced that my whole life was being broadcast to the world, in a kind of Truman Show situation. I thought there were cameras and microphones hidden everywhere in my flat, and all the technology around me, like my phone and TV were rigged and violating my privacy.

There was also a short period of hearing voices that came from podcasts and music; voices that were supportive and reassuring, thankfully that situation didn’t go any further.

With the support of those close to me, I visited my GP, who referred me to the local mental health crisis team, I got taken on and started having regular visits from actual mental health professionals, they very quickly noticed I was going through a psychotic episode and prescribed me sleeping and numbing medication in order for my brain and body to be able to get some rest.

My perception of reality and ideas were everchanging, for example, one day I woke up and thought I had multiple personality disorder. At another point, I wasn’t sure where I was, believing I was in Colombia, where I am originally from, and even though it was the middle of the winter, I would go outside in shorts and my body would assume it was warm. It would take some time for me to realise I’m actually in the UK and it is the middle of the winter, point where I would feel cold again and come back to reality.

I was in what I would describe as an outer body experience, with my brain coming up with different theories of what was wrong with me. I knew I was ill, I just wasn’t able to rationalise what was happening to me.

My cognitive functions had taken a turn for the worst too, with everything I said being very circumstantial. I would be in a conversation and whenever I was told something that struck home, I would look into the horizon or the wall and figuratively leave the room, my ability to focus had gone away.

I slowly got a little bit better and was able to start leaving the house again, however, I was very hypervigilant. I would have flashbacks to traumatic situations that happened to me during my activist years in my early adulthood. And I was still suspicious of everyone, doubting people’s intentions.

The mental health team didn’t see much improvement in my situation, therefore, in mutual agreement, I started a course of anti-psychotic medication.

When I was making steady progress, I got discharged from the local Crisis team and my case got passed onto the local Early intervention in Psychosis team, where I got designated a care coordinator who is the person who is supporting me through my recovery. I am still not able to work and depend on benefits.

The recovery has been characterised by a period of extremely low mood and depression, with high levels of social anxiety and occasional agoraphobia. I am still struggling with any form of social interaction and lack motivation and overall feel very isolated and lonely even though I do have a strong social circle.

I am waiting to start cognitive behavioural therapy specialized in Psychosis. On the meanwhile I’m trying to look after myself in a constructive way. Having staid away from old bad habits that would do nothing more than add fuel to the fire, it is still a struggle.

It is extremely important for this society to carry on developing mechanisms to help people that are going through struggles with their mental health. Age, social and financial status, gender, ethnicity or otherwise, it doesn’t make much difference. This can affect anyone and it’s a problem that needs to be addressed by all kinds of institutions, social, medical, and political.

[BedBug]

I too had alot of these feelings. I take it one day at a time. Some days are better than others. Know that you are not alone. Small steps help alot. Yes anexity is going to come and go all the time. You have to be flexible and use what works for you. What works one time may not work the next. I use meditation ,music, excercise, nature,yoga,support groups and socialization to name a few things I use. I also have a great CBT therapist. I can tell you that it does work from experience. My therapist calls me once a week and we have a session. I have learned so much more about anexity than I ever knew before. There are actually workbooks on it. I know I am making progress slowly but you can't rush it. Be patient with your self and hang in there. We are in this together. Any time you want to talk I am here. Take care.

[WaffleTime]

thank you for your honesty about your mental health journey and hardships. So sorry about what you’re going through. I agree about de stigmatizing. I struggle with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, depression and trichotillomania. I’m so glad you were able to find a better option that a psych ward or electric chair!? The thought of that is so horrible and you deserve better. Even when you can’t control mental struggles, I hope you choose to do all you can to find joy and fun in your life. I’ve learned that some people show up in your life when and other people will pull away, and I hope you can surround yourself with people who are supportive! Wishing you all the best.