What should I do

[Against_the_current]

I can't stop crying. I browsed through the app i met him but everyone is not my type. We still haven't broken up officially. I'm procrastinating this talk. Idc whether to break up or play his game. Both ways i don't want to talk to him. I can't imagine myself with some of these guys or girls. But this relationship is a torture. I wish we could just take a break, not talk, just come back to him when i need him. I'm probably selfish. He's immature. I'm mentally ill, so is he probably. Idk how my sister has a boyfriend at 16, we're 23 and we both behave childish. But im a really shy and reserved person and taking off my armour promising to heal me while you killed me is sly. To him probably im the bad guy, he's alone in his accommodation, probably wants a b**** to be near and to give herself in. Just a kiss and he's in my system, his dna is in my system. Can you blame me for not letting more? I would have gone insane. And i don't want it from anyone else. He's the prettiest i ever got. I don't want to have the talk tomorrow. Nor break up or do compromises. I'm really happy living alone, idk why he's not when he has a bigger accommodation than me. And when i would sacrifice my comfort and live with him, he didn't want this neither because he sells drvgs and is scared of me getting changed. Saying im too innocent and A student. Then why did you involve with me?! Why did you put so much efforts into getting me to trust you? I don't want to trust these other guys in my country. I have something for foreginers. I don't want this talk tomorrow. I need a break. Not break up or moving out or whatever his demands are.

[SoporRose]

AtC,

I think you know what you need to do. I grieve that you seem to have no way out.

Ruth

[CLB1125]

Im not really sure I understand what you’re saying here but if Im right you are saying he wants a more intimate relationship and you’re not ready for that yet. If you are not ready and he really cares about you he will respect that. If he doesn’t then he's not a man you want anyway. If this person is selling drugs, do you really want to be involved with that? You are very young yet, take your time finding the right person for you. You deserve someone who can understand your mental illness and treat you in a way you should be treated.

[Kitsune-Udon]

I'm sorry you are going through all this. The positive here though is that you have the opportunity to learn and grow from this.

Nothing said suggests a deep relationship nor any reason he's 'the one'. Personally, I think your focus belongs on you. Work on your inner situation and advocate for your outer situation. That doesn't mean get into a relationship. It means figuring out what things YOU can affect to improve your situation.

If you depend on outside factors for the positive change in your life, that's your choice. Speaking from experience, that is unhealthy and asking for further suffering. If the outside factors don't end up being positive or helpful, that's just going to cause you to tumble further into despair. It also isn't really creating a stronger you, it's just creating dependence. That's the reality of depending on things or others outside yourself. You need to advocate for you. If someone else wants to help out, great! If not, then it shouldn't matter because you are the advocate for you.