Me and a friend that I considered a best friend for 5 years have recently changed the degree of our relationship due to them wanting to do this so now we are considered friends . This person I was very vulnerable around , they saw me at my worst . When I didn’t know about triggers , or trauma or just anything dealing with mental health in fact tbh . I never knew them personally but they knew about me because I was on social media and I have a very known ministry . I never knew about there issues because we never had conversations about our childhoods or anything . Fast forward I moved and relocated and started getting help and receiving therapy and found out I suffer from ptsd and generalized anxiety order which I recently found out . To make a long story short , this person used to support me and give me gifts and I never had like deep conversations with this person in our friendships , I was there for this person even when I had my own issues . Fast forward they have decided that they just want to be friends instead of having the best friend as a title . I noticed they have stopped checking on me reaching out . They are very selective with there words and they just seem distant . Idk if it’s just the season with them is up or not but it’s been a big part of why I have been stressed and my mood changes . I asked them why they don’t reach out to me to check on me and they said “it’s not on there heart to reach out” and they are creating boundaries and focused on them . This made me feel like they don’t really fool with me like that but they say they are my friend . I deal with rejection and abandonment issues so this could stem from that . I don’t know .
Accepting a loss that’s not a loss - Anxiety and Depre...
Accepting a loss that’s not a loss
So sorry you are going through this right now! I have gone through a similar experience (sort of). Losing a friend is painful and overwhelming. Maybe part of it could be the relocation? Long-distance friendships can be difficult. She may be sad that she doesn't see you as often and could be distancing herself to avoid thinking about it?
I do have some questions though, and this may be painful to hear. You said she always checked on you and gave you gifts? What about you? Did you check on her? Did you return the level of care she was giving you? She may have wanted a deeper level of friendship and wanted those deep conversations and heart-to-hearts that you say y'all didn't have? From the friend's point of view, could the relationship have seemed one-sided? You may have different ideas of what you consider a friendship to be.
I ask these questions not to be mean or rude, but because I experienced this. I had a friend, who I considered my best friend. For several years, I was the one who always reached out to her and checked on her. We met through work and worked together for a few years. I was there to support her and help her when she needed it. However, she would never return the same level of friendship. I always wanted deep conversations, someone I could open up to; and she would never open up to me; no matter how hard I tried to prove my friendship. It was never enough. The friendship was always about her. She stayed at surface level but it was always about her. She would never check on me and never returned the same level of care I showed her. She constantly flaked on me when we made plans because she would always suddenly get "busy" and unable to do things. I was the only car on the two-way street of friendship. Eventually I was so discouraged that I had to give up, for my own sanity and emotional well-being, I had to cut off and end that friendship. I just quit reaching out and quit talking to her. For a while it seemed like she didn't even notice. She only reached out to me once after that, after about 6 months of not hearing from me, and by then it was too late. I am still so hurt that I lost a friend, but it just wasn't a healthy friendship for me. We wanted different things in a friendship.
I hope this helps and I truly hope you find what you seek and need in a friendship!
But thank you I’m sorry to hear about your friend and pray God places people in your life to pour into you and reciprocate what you give . Thank you so much
She has moved to the same state as me . So it’s not a long distance friendship anymore . I reciprocated that as well . I checked on her and everything even when I was going through my own problems . I did return the level of caring . But the thing is like I said we were acquainted with each other through ministry . We never had those conversations you have when getting to know each other . We connected through ministry first and that was like the base of our friendship until you know we started seeing what the other person deals with mines more so because I experienced alot of trauma growing up . I was checking on her anytime she needed someone to talk to I was there and praying as well . If she wanted those deep conversations she never said it . She was kind of shut off and selective on what she would share . There are a lot of things I found out about her through God . But I put my whole life out there. She was there in my time where I wasn’t really healing . I was in a state where I had to literally survive and I wasn’t around the right people at that time but she saw how I would react to them and she never said anything til we moved up here and sorted out some stuff . It wasn’t until we moved to Georgia she explained how my ways in Dallas affected her . So that’s what I’m saying I poured into her spiritually and she would do things for me as a gesture of care like for my accomplishments birthday and stuff . I only returned that kind of gesture when I was able to financially. So now like it’s what I was saying before . The friendship just seems like it’s done . She said if it’s not on her heart to reach out to me she won’t . and she is focused on herself but she is still a friend . So that’s what I’m kinda battling with for some reason . Change is hard for me . My best friend told me I lost nothing . But it’s hard trying to get my heart to feel the same way tbh … I take it as rejection tbh but I know it maybe God is saying that season is up for us tbh . I just don’t know .
What do you mean sound like a scam ?
I deleted my comment as you were answering it. Too tired now to think clearly. It is 1 am in the UK so am logging off to go to my bed. Night.
I understand . Goodnight
Hi there. I had a best friend named Lisa and she and I were friends for many years my husband and I even drove to her house in Virginia and stayed there for a week multiple times to spend time with her and her family. Fast forward she moved to New Jersey where I was and we spent a lot of time hanging out. My husband and I would always pick her up as she did not have a car and drop her off as well she also slept over my house multiple times too. One night we went out to see a band and Lisa told us she was going to take an Uber there and she met us I felt bad that we didn't pick her up and I asked my husband if he could drop her off and he said that he really didn't want to because he was upset with her as we were always giving her rights back and forth whenever we would go out. Long story short that night she took the Uber home and called me on the way and told me that she was no longer going to be talking to me that she and her whole family hated me and she was blocking me on social media and she said that's it I'm done. I asked her what I did wrong because in my eyes I didn't do anything wrong and she said good luck trying to be happy with your husband and then hung up the phone. I haven't spoken to her since and it's been about 2 years and from what I've heard she's moved back to Virginia. The way that she ended our friendship hurt me very deeply and it still does to this day because I don't have closure and never found out what she felt I did so wrong as to end a friendship that lasted years. What I do know is that she was drinking a lot at the time this happened and I believe that it clouded her judgment and I did leave her a text message that when she woke up the next day and realized what she did I wouldn't be there waiting for her and I left it at that and I haven't heard so much as a peep from her since that night. Lisa and I were very very close and I am beginning to see that she may have been very jealous of the marriage that I had as her and her husband had a bad breakup which is the reason why she moved to New Jersey. Lisa did date two people while in New Jersey and I spent time with her and the two men that she met frequently. I have talked to a few friends of mine about what happened as losing her friendship did way so heavily on my heart and I have been told that I did nothing wrong. Maybe someday our paths will cross again and I will find the closure I'm looking for and she will finally give me an answer about what she found so awful that where she would and a friendship of many years over nothing. I wish her well and have no animosity towards her but I sincerely wish I knew why she ended our friendship so abruptly.
That sounds incredibly painful. I have had friends who have left me too without an explanation and it's so frustrating. Just tell me why! I can take it. I think it's a cowardly way to end a friendship. You sound like a very caring, giving person and I'm sorry she didn't respect that.
Well she says she still my friend but I asked her why she don’t reach out to me like she used to and she said “ I don’t want to , and when something is not on my heart to do I will not do.” So I took that as if she was protecting herself and she solely focused on her well being which I can’t be mad at . It just seems like what the point at this point. ? So she says she my friend and she says she is by supporting me in ministry and doing things. And that she goes weeks without talking to certain people . So yeah to me it’s like okay you choosing when you want to deal with me and I don’t like that. Tbh so it’s kinda hurtful tbh . So I’m kinda asking God to give me clarity do I need to just forget it or just what idk . I am a caring and giving person but I do have my flaws . And I think that’s why she is at this point tbh .
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! Yes I agree she could have just told me why....this way I could defend myself or explain one or the other.
No problem ! But you don’t have to defend . yourself . God shall defend you . Just keep being you . God will send the right people in the right time to be in your life .
Your so right. I have two very close friends that I talk too often. When they don't hear from me in a couple of days they automatically know that I'm in a slump and reach out to me repeatedly to make sure I'm doing okay. I'm lucky to have those beautiful people in my life too. I'm grateful for them both. There's a quote that says it's the people I can call the 3:00 a.m. that matter. It's so true. They also say if you can count your friends on one hand you are very lucky person. It's about quality not quantity of friends and I keep my circle very small these days but I like it better like that because there's so much less drama and ridiculousness with less people in my life. You know what I mean.
Yessss I feel ya . Better that way . And life isn’t as stressful. I think I’m becoming to have peace knowing this now . It’s crazy . Want to keep it that way .
Me too. So what do you struggle with? I have major depressive disorder PTSD and adjustment disorder too. How did you find this group? Where are you from? I found the group while looking for local support groups in my area. I'm from New Jersey but needed to move to Pennsylvania temporarily.
well my diagnosis is PTSD , Intermittent explosive disorder , & generalized anxiety disorder . I found this group through my best friend . She told me about it . I’m from Dallas Texas but Atlanta has been my home for about 3 years now . Almost 4 . And that’s what’s up .
I definitely understand and I’m praying that you find closure for that relationship . And I pray that you learn from that friendship as well .God may be protecting you from the things you didn’t see . It wasn’t a “you thing” but probably some issues she has needed to work on within herself . Again I’m just saying hypothetically it could have been that . But have peace knowing you did nothing wrong and it could be for your protection in the end . Praying it works out and you get the closure you need from GOD so that you can move on and heal from that friendship.
thank you so much !
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