As a young man just out of college. I left for Hawaii with a duffel bag , skateboard, and a smile. In 1983 at 23 years old, I started my own business without knowing anybody or anything about the business I started. Now it wasn’t brain surgery mind you, but being a painting contractor with no experience is a lot more difficult than you would think. Fairly soon I started experiencing quite a bit success and I had shown to be able to problem solver in the way that many others were not. I came up with unique ideas that made us extremely popular on Oahu and for the next few years we experience much prosperity. Problem was in the middle of that I went into a deep, deep funk. Had no clue what it was. Started self-medicating with booze and drugs , because I didn’t have any idea what mental illness was or why this was happening to me. I found out many years later this was the beginning of me being what was diagnosed as bi polar . Depression had found me . The problem solver that I thought I was wasn’t anywhere close to figuring this out and until just recently , and I’m 67 years old, I hadn’t in that area of mental challenges at all. Bought a home ,bought rental property , got married and had a son and had to leave it all cause I couldn’t even think to see if there was something wrong with me. Move back to my hometown after taking a year off trying to figure out what was next and I started another painting contracting business. Once again had much success. Worked for some of the biggest companies and clients in the US if not the world .Entertainers, politicians, etc. I showed a knack and a propensity to solve problems and to be able to use up a brain that had a unique ability to be ultra organized , care more than most , have extreme empathy and outshine others in many ways. But in 1995, about 20 years ago, I came down with severe anxiety.. It broke out on the most stressful project of my career. Once again, I showed the propensity to have no clue what was going on with me and approached my health about it in the wrong way. Did I go see a psychiatrist. Yes I did. Did I get put on half a milligram of Klonopin. Yup! Did I and my wife look into it more. Nope! What knuckleheads! What horrible problem solvers!! Two or three years later my wife talked me off of that one and only med I was taking because she read that it could cause binge drinking which I did once a week to deaden the pain. So I went without any medication till I broke down in 2010. Yup, ignorant and clueless. You picked the word that’s me. What I did do throughout that time being a developer of teams at work, and I also coach sports for 20 years with much success? I naturally reached out to others. Family, friends, anybody who would listen and what did I do that for ? The obvious answer was to try to bring people together to think of things that I couldn’t . Boy was I was striking out. I was hurting bad and close to losing my mind and everything that I had work for was on the cusp of being gone. Again . Guess what in 2010 it was all gone, including my brain . Not a soul stepped up to help and I fried.
Lost it all and what I learned from that is, if we don’t help each other , especially in our world. If we’re not all talking to each other in a systematic way . Where we break down what we’ve tried , whether it’s medications inc dosages and length of time trying, therapies , holistic approaches , etc. . If we don’t talk about them in detail and and go about it in a way that is is the absolute best problem-solving method we can , then it’s gonna hurt our chances of relief and hopefully having our lives back. I made so many mistakes. I blew so many opportunities to do what I needed for myself. Why ?cause I just didn’t think of it. Now for everybody else’s problems, I even started a nonprofit and advised many people with all kinds of serious problems in their lives and I had much success with that too, but boy when it came to my own . I struck out big time. So I’m suggesting we need to talk to each other in a methodical way if you’re interested. If your really wanting to see what you’ve missed. What we’ve done right and wrong.
This may not be for everyone and we all understand that , but if your really struggling , then I and many others are here to do EVERYTHING we can to try our butts off to have each other feel better.
I’m better now for a year . Stumbled across it on my own. Had no idea about any forums like this till 6 months ago.
Did I say clueless?
Let’s all use this fantastic way of communicating to find real answers to feeling better.
"Started self-medicating with booze and drugs , because I didn’t have any idea what mental illness was or why this was happening to me."
First and foremost, I read everything that you wrote, and I'm probably going to (purposely) break this down into 2 posts, because I don't know how long I'm going to talk about each one, and it's 2 different topics that I want to talk about.
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So let's start with with what I quoted about.
For starters, I'm a 48 year old male.
I may not have lived as long, but I have seen enough of the world myself before and after the Internet.
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I do know this. The world has changed a lot before and after the Internet, in terms of mental health. (some for the better and some for the worse)
When you first broke down with this, we didn't have the same amount of meds like we do now, and people were more likely to drink when they felt stressed.
Now, we have more meds and more information about mental health, but we're also busier multitasking.
You and I have made a lot of mistakes, and I'm sure others here can probably say the same.
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"Lost it all and what I learned from that is, if we don’t help each other , especially in our world. If we’re not all talking to each other in a systematic way . Where we break down what we’ve tried , whether it’s medications inc dosages and length of time trying, therapies , holistic approaches , etc. . If we don’t talk about them in detail and and go about it in a way that is is the absolute best problem-solving method we can , then it’s gonna hurt our chances of relief and hopefully having our lives back. I made so many mistakes. I blew so many opportunities to do what I needed for myself. Why ?cause I just didn’t think of it."
In some ways I feel the same.
I originally came down with all of this in late '01-early '02.
I probably had anxiety all of my life, but I didn't get officially diagnosed with it until about 20+ years ago.
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I've tried many different meds, but some people can get lucky with their first med and move on, and then there's people like me that have tried different meds, and realize that I need something more like group therapy.
Which leads me into my next topic. Group therapy.
I was in a sit-down traditional group therapy type of environment from '02 until the start of the pandemic, and then I lost that option ever since. (so... 18-ish years in a traditional support group before I lost that option)
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When the pandemic arrived, I thought that I could do that in my sleep.
I'm an introvert with low energy, annnnd I need to be away from people. OK.. No problem.
But the more that I was away from my support group, the more I missed it.
On top of that, there were no new ones available. (and still not in my area)
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So I arrived here almost a couple of years ago, and while I really like this place and community, I'm "still" trying to get used to the online aspect of it.
In some ways both types of groups (this group and my previous) are similiar. Some people stay for a day, and some people stick around, and you do your best to try to help each other out.
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The differences is that in a traditional sit down, (for me) it's easier to get a read on people than online.
But the (huge) positive with this place is that it's always available, instead of once a week.
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They both have their pros and cons, but support groups have been pretty much my life.
I may be more used to the traditional style, BUT I am very grateful to have and be a part of this community.
I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. When I say clueless, I really don’t feel that way about most aspects of my life. I just made a lot of my steps with my mental health when I first came down with anxiety in 95 and saw my first psychiatrist. None of us thought to ask the pertinent questions of the day.
That has made me feel that I really miss something right there. The only reason I use the word clueless is to try to push the point that others trying to think and help might have filled that “ clueless” void. Maybe better terminology can be suggested?
In my case it wasn’t good enough. I’m the type who can accept that and move on and try harder.
You are right sometimes people get lucky and sometimes they have to work at it all. Obviously it depends on situations and how things go. My point of my posting is to say if we work together . If we all talk to each other about what we’ve been through in some level of detail, then you never know where that luck might come in of somebody saying this might help or that might help. I’m not saying that at some level we don’t do that now but to me there is a certain level of structure and detail in difficult problem solving and some of really hurtin might need that structure to find help.
I’ve been to enough professional providers since 2020 to have experienced some level of clueless. In my case turned out to be passivity.I would say since my joining six months ago, many of us talk in brevity about the problems we face. It seems there are many people are very desperate , very much in extreme pain and at a loss like I was for many years on this site.
I believe more detailed structure could possibly find relief. Call it luck if you will.
" how are you have you recovered fully from COVID 🤗💛✨"
I'm still dealing with fog head and teeth/gum issues.
I'm definitely making more mistakes lately. I know it's from the fog head, and I hope that goes away soon.
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But the teeth/gums are something that I hope that I can fix.
I have some new dental stuff today, and I'm looking forward to trying them out.
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I wake up every morning with sore light pinkish gums (almost white pink in some areas) and in my lower left, it's sore.
I don't know if this is an infection, or if COVID took my dry mouth to another level.
I was already using a dry mouth gel for the past 20+ years with my meds, and I'm wondering if COVID increased my dry mouth issues, because I was very dehydrated when I had COVID.
I don't know, but I'm just hoping that it's not anything serious, and it's something that I can fix or goes away on it's own. (really hoping for the best there)
Appreciate you sharing and your response. I have a question for you. What do you think the quality of your life is now.
For example, I would say for 27 years mine was on a scale of 1 to 10 at a 2 -3.. For 5 years , when truly first diagnosed ,it was a horrible minus 5
Now I’d say after October 2022, and finding some help, it is at a 8-9
I so glad to hear your excellent progress mentally. A dream house. So exciting!
Totally get it when a health scare such as possible cancer is introduced.
Just lost dad last week and those ruminations want to seep in but by finally feeling better I can finally fight them and depression off.
Still have my 89 year old mom.
A loss, such as a parent , friend, pet. Any liss can obviously be a tipping point.
With dad I work hard at letting all the amazing times we had pour over me. He was a very cool guy. If I focus to much on what I have loss versus a lifetime of blessings and gain, that is when a bit of struggle comes in.
Keep your chin up. Ok if I had you to my prayer list?
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What's your name?
Medication help for anxiety/panic attack 
Self esteem and a journey into liking myself again 
Just need some encouraging words
Insomnia, mirtazapine, promethazine (& tinnitus)
