Any recommendations for what I am going through?

[anony01]

I tend to feel that I am alone because of the mistakes that I have made in the past and the results that have come from them. I have not always been there for my family because I am drawn away at times from my wrongdoing. I feel at times that because of the mistakes that I have made, my spouse has pulled away from me and has found another outlet for happiness because I have not been able to provide that with the conditions that I have set in our marriage. I am constantly reassured that I am loved and that there isn't anything going on, but I continue to make things up in my head in fear that they may be leaving me. I tend to find things that make it seem like I am validating my thoughts and that something is occurring, but it always seems to lead to not having proof or I manipulate the "proof" that I come across to make it seem as if I am catching them cheating on me. This obsession to find out if something is actually going on without me knowing and that I am being cheated on consumes me and puts me in a terrible mind state to where I isolate myself and avoid my family, only being left by myself being hurt and confused.

I have talked to a psychiatrist about what I am going through and have begun taking medication for my anxiety just a couple of days ago, but it just seems to make me tired and difficult to function at this point. I have been able to gain more confidence in myself and the fact that I am making up these thoughts because of my prior guilt and shame, but I don't know how to just let go and believe my spouse and allow our relationship to grow stronger instead of basically ruining what we have left.

Does anyone have any advice that they could share?

[6236]

it sounds like you have some trust issues. I had the same type of issues when I first got married. I felt I was not a good enough person to be in a relationship and that she surely must be cheating but all of that was due to the way I saw myself and to fact that I trusted no one. It has taken time and medication but it has been better. We have been married for 43 years now. I still do not have a very high regard for myself and have very little trust in anyone but I had to work on these issues in order to have a good relationship with my wife and family. Have you been open to your spouse about how you feel? The support that you need may come from your spouse once they understand what you are feeling. Give the medication time to work and if it doesn’t help tell your psychiatrist there are many medications out there that may help you it’s just a matter of finding the right one. Hang in there and remember everyone has things in their life that they are not proud of but always remember you and only you control your thoughts. When those bad thoughts come push them away!!

[LoveforAll41]

Hi anony, I am sorry that you have these thoughts and fears to deal with. I think I kind of like the worst case scenario in this case. What is the worst that could happen? Your spouse is sneaking around cheating on you. That would obviously be devastating, but you would not die. Love and commitment is a choice, and if your spouse did not choose to be faithful you would then have learned that about them and could move on. It would hurt, but I do believe it is better to have loved and lost than to not love. Sorry, that is a depressing thought but I think a little empowering. You then don't have to obsess about it because you know the absolute worst is something that you could recover from.

On a more positive note your worry over this shows that you value faithfulness and your relationship with your spouse. This beautiful thing about you has just gotten a little out of whack and turned into obsessing vs enjoying what you have. Sorry if this is not helpful, I am sorry that your anxiety is making life hard. "Feeling Great" by David Burns has a lot of thinking errors in it that I think you may enjoy reading about.

I wish you peace, hope, and strength in your journey☮️