Could use encouragement - Depressed and Anxious, New Medication offered by Psychiatrist - It’s been a Hot Minute

[LifeisLikeGarden]

I haven’t posted in a while, nor responded to people, but I could really use some encouragement. Sorry!

I’m very depressed and anxious these days, SADD getting to me. My psychiatrist has offered a nasal spray 2x a week for 8 weeks that will work for up to five years to decrease depression. I’m waiting for insurance approval right now.

I finally paid off my parents, my car, my debt and got a new dog, have a pretty great job and… I’m still…not happy.

I paid to change my name as I always wanted, tried to change it at work and, things got outta hand. Coworkers/staff members didn’t react well and I changed it back in my work documents, cause I had a massive panic attack because of how they reacted. The name change was approved by state already, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve wanted to cut ties with my abusive parents, but I haven’t been able to yet and they’ve made it clear they don’t like me changing my name. I thought I wanted it, and I hate my names - first and middle cause it reminds me of being in trouble and my last because I come from a line of narcissists. But I am still freaking out. I was a bit impulsive.

I’ve had suicidal thoughts, but don’t have the guts to go through with it. I hate mental health units, too, and last one I was in was traumatizing.

I’m doing everything I can - medication, hot chocolate, dark chocolate, weighted blankets, comedy/happy things, talking with friends, a mental health ai, counselor and other app, meditations, hypnotism, etc. and I still have a hard time getting through work. I still sit there and think about all I hate myself for.

what works for you guys? What is there left to do? How do I overcome my anxiety about the name change (state says you cannot change name again unless you get married/divorced)? My counselor hasn’t really been helpful and good ones are hard to find so I’m hesitant to leave her. Anything is appreciated!

[6236]

hello! I wish I had some magic words to say to you to make you feel better but all I can do is tell you that you are not alone. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I hate not ever being fully happy but with medication and support from people like the ones in this forum has helped. I too have thoughts of suicide and one time I actually overdosed on some medication but I realized that that was a big mistake because I wound up in the hospital for 3 days and then in a recovery center for 3 days which in my opinion was pure hell! I did learn one thing from the therapist at the recovery center and that was that I control my own thoughts no one else! You control what you think. when those dark thoughts come I try to count my blessings and think of things that make me feel good. Try this and never think that you are not important or needed. I’m sorry I’m rambling! But I guess what I want to say is hang in there and try to be positive and don’t let others bring you down. I hope that the new medication you are trying to get helps you! And there are always folks on here that are willing to listen and will do their best to help you.

[scansnap]

You are obviously doing a great deal to improve your mental health. You are engaged in many treatment activities. Have you tried studying cognitive behavioral therapy? That could be a good addition to your arsenal of treatments.

By the way, what is the nasal spray that your doctor has prescribed? It sounds intriguing.