After 3 days I took a shower but I am still terrified to leave my room. Life is really falling apart.

I took a shower and ate breakfast today and dressed. I left my boyfriends place to come to my mother's and i just lay in my room. My mother is on a walker with health issues and I am unable to do the duties for her. My boyfriend is angry at me he has 2 kids that miss md and I am not living or doing anything. I am getting worse. I know I havd been posting this and I honestly am hurting and suffering is a small word. I feel guilty and ashamed that I won't get in my car and do groceries. I feel paralyzed and my mom needs food. I feel very very distraught. I might be changing my meds but I can't go anywhere. I completley shut down before I handsome will a tiny little crumb. It is gone. I am scared for my life and my mom. I pray for Mercy and a Miracle. I know it is up to me that is whybi am hopeless I won't move. I feel like a horrible person.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Alexapal, I am so sorry that you are suffering so. It is crazy how picking up the phone or leaving a room can be so anxiety-inducing. I am impressed that you have a boyfriend in that state, perhaps he can help? My wife got me into an inpatient center last time I had lost the will to go on. I once moved out of an apartment with friends intending to never leave my parent' basement again and they came and got me. They got me some pot brownies and that actually was a good reset to get going to therapy and out of the house. Is there medical marijuana or a ketamine treatment or something new your boyfriend could help you try?

Remember to have this mercy for yourself as you pray for it. Your mother has not died so you have plenty of room for mercy. Honestly if it is bad enough you could call the police or someone for a wellness check. That is what we have these services for. Try not to be ashamed if you can. I am so sorry, I hope you can reach out for help, you don't have to do this alone. ☮️

[FrankP183]

I feel for you, and said a prayer for you. You listed clonazepam in your bio. Are you taking that? I DO NOT like that class of drugs. I used to take some for the high. Coming down, or when I stopped using all together was brutal. The depression was…well, about what you’re going through right now. I’m not telling you to stop, just sharing my experiences with it. My ex wife ODd twice on that. I can tell you this: you can get better. I’ve been where you are. I’ve also climbed the mountain of happiness. It is possible. It may seem silly, and simple, but one step at a time. If your mother needs something, go get it. If she needs food, go to the store and get something. Just one thing at a time. Don’t worry about anyone else’s expectations. Have you considered a pet? A dog or cat, maybe? They’re great for emotional support. When I get down like this, and I am now, I try to remember to tell myself that this is when I fight; this is when I get stronger. God will not give me anything that I cannot handle. I may doubt that or myself, but I have seen the proof of that MANY times.

[Hidden in reply to FrankP183]

The meds are making me worse and worse. I am on Prozac and 0.50 clonazapam a day I tried to go off it and then I got tbus severe depression and they put me back on it. Thank you i need lots of prayers I am loosing everything.

[Nothing_but_books]

Feelings are not facts. You are not horrible, you are hurt. Ask for the help you need, any and everywhere until you get it. Is there any family or friend nearby to go to the store with you? Maybe delivery is an option? Meals on Wheels? Call a crisis line and ask them what options they can think of. Please keep reaching out here, there are a lot of caring people who will do what they can to help.

[Hidden in reply to Nothing_but_books]

No friends anymore loosing everyone and it hurts so much. Making my depression worse.

[Marysblue]

God bless you. You're not a bad person you're suffering depression. It's probably from decreasing your med give it a little time. Take care of yourself the best you can

[Hidden]

Right now inam breaking down. I did my best today but felt sheer suffering. Snow storm coming I am horrified. I am back to my bed never felt like this I am loosing my boyfriend and kids and right now I am trying to self soothe bug I am in panic because I want to be like I was. I can't handle this prison and I am really freaking out right now because I am suffering.