I'm not okay right now.

[Sol-]

I think that I prefer to be insane, or to think of myself as insane. I know that's not the correct term, but I prefer to think that I'm insane because the alternative is to give in to the feeling that I see reality as it really is when I'm in the depths of depressive despair. I don't want to believe in that reality. I want to believe in humanity. I believe in love, and in life, or I do when I'm sane. I'm not sane right now, and that's why I don't believe.

[LadyZen]

Sorry you're not well. I hope this passes for you.

[Vonus5591]

You need to be thinking about yourself and developing interests to keep you going. Reading, writing or music to help you through those thoughts. Distraction, tv or radio or internet - youtube music or any other topic you like funny videos should help. Recover and get better. Feel good to be alive.

[LoveforAll41]

I agree Sol, and I think this is a fair point. I think that when we see ourselves as worthless or feel hopeless there are some lies that we are believing. I think that these thinking errors could be defined as insanity if that is what you like to call it. Humans shouldn't suffer with hopelessness or depression to the point where we wish we did not exist. Something is screwed up in our heads when we get to that point. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.

[catsrock]

I have so been there! Depression sucks and really messes with our thought processes. You are not insane, you are struggling with an illness. Is there somewhere you can get help either from a psychiatrist or therapist or both? I hope things improve for you soon. You deserve to feel good and not be struggling with this.

[GodKid]

Prayers! I know that my depression likes to lie to me and tell me life means nothing and people are bad. When that happens, I look for one---just one---positive thing. Things get better (and so do I!) as I keep looking for and believing in the good things in life.

[Bastian7]

I know how hard it is be to accept what I perceive as 'reality' when I'm in the depths of a depressive period. But you know that this is a distorted view - and I think that is a very valuable insight.

Instead of thinking about yourself as 'insane', would it be more helpful to tell yourself that you realise you are in a very bad mood and this is not a good time to make any major decisions or general statements, such as 'I am insane'?

With practice, you could maybe learn to just accept that you're feeling despondent, sit with that feeling as best as you can, and watch it disolve away gradually. This way you may be able to replace thinking 'I am insane' with 'This really sucks but I can tolerate it and it'll go away on its own accord'.

Another trick is to make a short list of 3-5 items that you believe are good in your life right now - such as I have enough food in the fridge for the day, acknowledge a nice object/plant/person you see, acknowledge one aspect of yourself that you are comfortable with/grateful for (no matter how small), etc. I am doing this regularly, and my list goes up to 10. This is to shift away your thinking from the well-rehearsed negative tapes and make room for friendlier thoughts. I believe reality is subjective and there is a very big difference between acknowledging that you feel really down and believing that what you see in these moments is 'the reality'.

[Agora1]

Dear Sol- I once read that to think you are "insane" isn't possible within the sane person.

Those who are insane are in their own little reality of time. xx