good evening....

[mizzou7016]

I'm trying to stay positive and help everyone come up with ideas for journaling, artwork, ect....I try not to get carried away with my posts.....trying not to be too pushy....will you please let me know if i get too carried away

[litethatnevergoesout]

you’re not carried away with your posts at all. I always read them and look for clues as to how you are doing recently. you’re a good man and keep posting. this includes your replies. I like them because if you agree you agree and if you disagree you say why and if you have a different take on it you are able to explain why. you make it very clear that there’s a stark difference between your professional and personal life which I think is great that you point this out, but you could explain how different things are and why and 99% of us still would not comprehend what it’s like to work where you do at all, whether it was 6 hours a week or 60.

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Let me put that concept on paper...I would be happy to share that with you all.....but I want to make sure that it is in a way that is realistic....Sometimes it is very awesome to be a person with high functioning anxiety and PTSD.....sometimes it's a scary scary place...and the most unfortunate thing....in some ways....is that my professional life has overlapped my personal life....sometimes I am very scared of the person work has made me.....I appreciate it....but my life is like the passenger side side view mirror on an american car....objects in this mirror are not as they appear

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

the mirror concept is a really good one. I have no idea what it would take to keep your professional and personal lives from overlapping. there still is a distinct line separating them, but you have an honest and realistic perspective on it and consciously are keeping them separated. I think that part of your responsibility, the unwritten responsibility, is to keep the 99% safe from having to know what life is like at your place of employment. so many of us have to avoid the news for instance, luckily everyone isn’t exposed to all the small and large details of what it’s like where you work. it would be difficult to comprehend I believe, it would require first hand experience and that’s just the overall ambient stress.

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

and the mirror concept is sometimes the scariest part of my world....I am very scared and afraid that I will become what i deal with.....can't explain it...

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

I can imagine how frightening and concerning that would be. stay strong and keep being true to you. the great secret ingredient to keep everything level would require everyone there to just stay in their lane all the time. its full of individuals who have difficulty with doing that very thing.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

I did not intend to tie the objects in mirror are closer than they appear to link directly to staying in your lane. accidental metaphor.

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

I know.....it's just scary how much the 2 things have overlapped....

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

for the most part, the working part of peoples lives tend to dominate their existence. how much ‘me time’ you get is dwarfed by job time. I think keeping them from overlapping is almost unrealistic. maybe the key for you is to keep that overlap from blending. you like to experiment with painting, it’s a lot like that in a way.

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

I'm just so exhausted that I don't have time. Have a lot of art ideas. Just need more time in the day.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

You’re very honest with yourself. very aware. hold on to that keep being true to who you are in the different settings of your life. keep holding on to who you are even if you have to dial it way back most of the time. hold on to your ideas and when the opportunity presents itself turn that dial back up where it is supposed to be.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

you’re doing great. stay strong and resilient. keep keeping yourself safe man.

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

But what do I do when I no longer 'feel safe'

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

by yourself or at work?

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

work....home will always be a safe place.....right now I've got home things that I need to get used to.....but i feel very safe at home....I will never really feel safe at work.....just because of the enviornment

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

you don’t have to wait until august to walk away. it’s ideal to I know but you can decide when you want to leave.

[litethatnevergoesout]

please don’t stop posting or replying at all. I say that with my American accent and my new Ull accent.

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

just a lost soul right now...feel like i'm overstepping my bounds a little

[mizzou7016]

I would lose too much long term...and right now we have a lot of new people....so my defenses are up anyway....