As hard as I'vetried to fit in,its no point in trying because i just dont.
And with Christmas looming i feel nothing but dread.
I have been asked out on the day, but suddenly my emails regarding the dreaded day i get no replies to, and i'm beginning to think its all been a big sham and i'm not welcome, bearing in mind these people profess to be the most caring people on earth, and i will refrain from posting who they are as i will be shot down in flames by certain people here.
I might instead take up my friends offer even though she lives 25 miles away, or i might instead stay home and treat it as a normal day.
And perhaps i dont want to fit in as i have no plans to follow the crowd, I follow my own path, I have my own mind, heart and soul, I follow my own truth and am not swayed by social media, and that of course are things some people object to, they want you to fit into their little box.
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secrets22
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Hi there, I feel the same way, there are only the two of us and over Xmas we’ve been invited out to Xmas lunch I feel sometimes it’s an empty gesture just to show they have asked us ? So I’m in two minds , we always went away to a hotel for Xmas before Covid, but not been away since, we found it great plenty of company if you wanted it yet not too much, maybe we’ll go next year?
Im not a joiner either, prefer to do my own thing, sometimes people may think I’m stand off ish but I don’t really care, I suppose it may be different if I was actually on my own , who knows. Whatever you do , its only one day actually isn’t it, and I’m sure there’ll be lots of us popping in here for a chat, take care .
Hi M and secrets I'm sure that if we lived close arymretep would be happy to have us both round lol and pixiebob of course not sure there'd be much turkey for us tho with him around, that's one of the things I struggle with with vertual no one can ever meet such good friends are made of like minds, when mam dies I'd rather be alone than celebrate Xmas without her it's just another day really but we go through the motions not been same since step dad died mam says every year this table used to be full but there all dead we get invited to my sister's but we'd rather stay on our own we was going to go last year but we got COVID so that be our reason again as it seems impolite to say no, I'll set a place for mam when she dies and know shes there in spirit as my step dad was one year a spirit aube was on the photo on the empty chair new year too on my shoulder I did post that on positive well being if you remember my post love never dies with you in mind it may help you to refresh have a look the replies of people who had similar experiences 🌈xx
Thanks M yes it would be lovely I'd help you cook I used to cook Xmas dinner for about 2o in residential home when I was 4o I'm tryner stay off here more what was recent events bla bla it's kinda set me off balance, triggered me a bit,I feel better when I spent more time in the real world so to speak sending hugs pixies under my legs on sette under cover I've added to my xmas display lol watching Corrie now 😊😹
Hi secrets, there is so much pressure to conform to the ideal like the ads we see on TV persuading us to do this and that.
It's difficult for those who live alone. The invite from your friend sounds nice and if she is someone to be relied on rather than false promises then I think I'd go with that.
I'll be thinking of you next time we pass on the M5 - it's such a pretty Swiss Valley!
A few years back I got ever so upset when I received a pity invite to a place and I wasn't sure what it was that had got me so upset so I had asked one of my friends for a chat and said how I didn't understand what it was about this invite that had got me so upset as usually I love being asked out to things even if I can't always go and she said how it was to do with the fact it was a pity invite that had upset me not the invite in itself!
What it was was I had said to my mother how I felt it wasn't fair in the way the golden couple got taken to places like Paris and last week Madeira and to that I had received an invite to go and see them which wasn't the point!
If they had done things with me on my own I wouldn't have thought anything of it but what it was that did upset me was being unfair.
My friend said how where there's no sense there's no feeling which is true!
I never did take up the pity invite though and feel it was the right decision!
I decided I am getting revenge by getting on and living my life for me and not letting them get to me!
Excellent attitude Turnipgirl. The best revenge is living your own life as you want it, I get this and have also said this to myself. No one knowingly wants to be invited anywhere out of pity, sounds like you made a good decision. Who are the Golden Couple?
My sister and her husband who we all call the golden couple here as they are favoured and get everything handed to them like spoilt brats!
One of my mates said my mother should get her own life then she wouldn't have any call to poke her beak into someone else's and was just trying to make mischief but failed miserably when she said to me last week how they had all gone to madeira for the week and I thought woo hoo why should I care and walked away and got on with life!
No way am I letting that woman control me with threats and blackmail and my sister in law said I should have told her to have stuck her invite where the sun doesn't shine and how there's nothing she can do except mouth off down a phone line laying down the law as she can't come out and physically stop me living my life can she?
I've spent Christmas by myself more than once. Went out and walked in the woods. It was not bad. I don't fit in either most people like you say are into social media. I'm more into science, health, learning, books.
Many years ago when I was 24 I had Christmas on my own and really enjoyed it and prior to that my friends said to me you're not spending Christmas alone are you and I said yes I am and did and enjoyed it!
Christmas can be very stressful and even more so to those of us with anxiety. There's so many expectations that other's place on us and we place on ourselves.
I'm right there with you. Spiraling over events that don't even effect me, yet comparing my self and my holiday plans with other peoples' to see if I measure up to what holiday plans are 'supposed' to be. Worried about not feeling welcome in situations where I should, and being fearful to ask to join 'friends' because they'll think I'm pathetic with nowhere else to go. Wanting to stay home alone so as to not be a bother, but afraid to be alone knowing the anxiety and depression it will bring.
We have to choose what's best for our own mental health, the distraction of being around others or being alone because we choose to be our own advocate.
As a minority, I never felt like I fit in anywhere growing up. Even as an adult, I feel like some of my neighbors judge me and treat me like a foreigner because I'm Asian. I just don't give a crap anymore. I try to enjoy life, and do my own thing, and find people who accept me.
I'm sorry you felt like this. Especially as children we need acceptance so badly.
As a child, I learned there are all kinds of minorities. I grew up in the wrong neighborhood, mostly one ethnic group -- to which I didn't belong. I looked different. The values I learned as a child were different. Last, and unforgivable -- I was smarter than they were.
From a song by John Lennon:
"They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so f**king crazy you can follow their rules"
I was still a child, but half a world away, he spoke to me. We are more alike than different.
I'm astonished by how many emotions my parrot shares in common with me.
A story I'll probably mess up... At a talk on animal intelligence, a leading researcher spoke from the podium.
Intelligence, he said, was limited to the great apes -- except for that damn Alex! 🦜
No such thing as avian intelligence was the scientific community's assumption. Until they were proven wrong.
Me and birds don't get along. I had one trying to live in my vent. Had to seal that. I had another try to nest under my deck. Had to stop that one. I swear they were mad at me, because they started to just trash my trims with debris. Eventually they left me alone.
I too follow my own path, Who wants to follow the crowd?
I don't fit in people's boxes either, and I'm glad for it because I see people changing themselves for fashion; not just their clothes, and social media makes it all worse as if we are all destined to be clones of one another. Not for me, thanks!
I believe what I want; I no longer follow a standard Religion, I try to be kind to all beings either 2 or 4 legged.
I'm done with organised religion, been there, tried it; not for me.
hey Midori......like you I am drifting away from organized religion, until now i have been a regular churchgoer, but when i weigh up how obnoxious some of them are I at last acknowledge they are very self centered and are not Christians at all.
My son and I will probably have a slob out day, I may even cook the turkey in the Slow cooker overnight and have it all cold on Christmas Day, so we can do our own thing, whether it's a TV film Fest or whatever. He is most likely to spend the majority of his day on the PC with friends, so I'll read or watch TV or something similar.
I may even cook the salt Beef and the Ham before time and pit them back into the freezer, so I just have veggies to cook and warm up the meat.
Hey Midori, i hadn't thought of cooking turkey in the slow cooker, I might give it a go, but initially i thought of cooking a turkey in the airfryer , I have a twin compartment one and i cook most things in it ,and rarely use my main oven now.
My Turkey is just a double breast joint, (there are only two of us), So I can experiment, especially as my son was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, so a lot of the regular things are out, like the fruity sauces and chutneys. Lots of veggies, though, although light on the potatoes and carby stuff.
I don't have a Christmas cake, I have a stollen, which is a German fruit bread and we tend to have bagel with cream cheese and Smoked Salmon for Breakfast, but I will probably have to modify the bread content. Another day we would have had a Salt beef bagel.
Alternatively I can chase him out the house to get some walking in, to bring his blood sugars down. 😉
Reminds me it's time to start the salt beef in the brine. It's going to be a strange experimental Christmas this year!
Don't feel bad,I too have no one to share w and in ways I like that,w people comes drama and issues,I care give my elderly wheelchair bound mom and she gets so depressed and acts weird around holidays w further drags me down a dark hole,try to bide your timevw nice music!!!! YouTube full great music choices,it really helps...I wish you best in your struggles, you are far from alone there ....best to you...
Very sad, by why do you not fit in??....Everybody is different, and its this difference which makes us unique...Go and see your friend. At the end of the day YOU also have to make the effort....I can be anti social, but it gets me nowhere!!...You just have to make the effort, or sit and be miserable on your own!!
Snuggling up with a good book or watching TV isn't a bad thing. I've seen where Christmas has blown up in some families. Best to be by yourself sometimes so that don't happen.
the thing is....i'm like everyone else...you weren't made to "fit in"....you were made to stand out.....just do you....if that means spending time with friends....spend time with friends...if it means spending a peaceful day alone....do that....I will be spending the holiday with my prison family.....I will have a good day no matter what....
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