Financial Health a Contributing Factor

[RottieFlood37]

Is anyone else’s financial health a HUGE contributor to their mental state? I really feel alone in regards to this, especially after the Flood.

Mine is and my spouse doesn’t care. He doesn’t do anything to help. He offered to help with bill paying and budgeting, so I handed over the “keys to the kingdom,” so to speak, after 20 years of handling all of it.

What actually happened is that he maxxed out all of our credit cards, unbeknownst to me, and spent all of our savings. He’s talking about Christmas with our kids like we have money to spend.

He thinks I should be indifferent to this. Is this a joke? How am I supposed to respond to this logically and rationally? Especially when he’s pushing me to advance my self-care, while making me feel guilty about my current state, and yet encouraging me to create more debt we can’t pay for, because of his actions…

[LadyZen]

My ex-husband was financially irresponsible. It's a very difficult situation to be in. He and I ended up in marriage counseling. That might be an option.

[mizzou7016]

mine is job related.....but not the financial aspects....it's the overall danger and unknown aspect of the job

[LoveforAll41]

Mine is a lot. We are trying to get a house and I feel like a failure for not having one but taking on a mortgage is terrifying. My parents fought about money a lot and I have come to see it as security/stability (having enough means things will be okay).

I would agree with LadyZen... I think that counseling would be really important because it would seem your husband is very irresponsible financially or does not care about how you feel about finances or both. With acceptance I would say that it is very common to worry about finances and actually very important to make sure that you provide for yourself and your family. Have some compassion for yourself and know that you are not the only one stressing about finances... even though we may be the only ones in our households that are.

[hypercat54]

Oh dear not good. I hope you have taken control of your finances now. I know its a pain but you are going to have to do it all yourself.

Your husband sounds like a man-child who can't handle adult responsibilities so you have to be the adult in the relationship. If he behaves like an irresponsible child then tell him you will have to treat him like one.

Impose severe austerity on him and if he complains just tell him to get another job then and earn more money to replace that which he spent. That's what I would do.

Scrimp and save up again and never ever let him near money again - ever!

Are you both working?

[RottieFlood37]

We do both work. I’ve worked since I was 14 to help support my parents.

I worked two jobs while pregnant to support my family and he did nothing. He was unemployed.

He laughed at me when I suggested he get two jobs now.

[LoveforAll41 in reply to RottieFlood37]

I am so sorry RottieFlood, that is pretty ridiculous judging from what info we have. It does seem you are committed and have kids together, so it seems the financial burden will be yours to shoulder. I think it could be said that he is objectively unsupportive if not downright destructive to the family life. I hope that he has a lot of positive attributes other than financial stuff. I do not mean to demean him but to commiserate that his financial behavior is absolutely unacceptable and you will have to do everything. I wish you strength to carry on with that. ❤️