I don’t really care what happens to me

[97Bunny11]

So, I think I just had my first real health scare as an adult. I started to feel pain in my chest whenever I breathed in (it would be an on and off thing). This wouldn’t alarm me that much, but then I also saw these unusual marks on my hand that I had never seen before. I thought the worse and panicked a little when the mark didn’t go away for weeks, and it looked like it got darker. I decided to try and scratch at it to see if it would come off and sure enough it did. It left a sticky residue behind, so I assumed it was some sticky thing that I accidentally got on my hand 🤦🏾‍♀️.

As for my chest, for the past couple of weeks, I was sitting in a chair a lot more than usual working on some graphic design projects, so my whole body was aching. But the breathing in and feeling pain was kinda new to me. But this weekend I decided to take a break from working and now I don’t have that problem anymore.

Anyway, back to when I was having those problems, I panicked thinking I might have cancer or some autoimmune disease (I’m not a doctor, clearly. Just an overthinker). But when I thought of that, I realized I was more scared of the process that my family and I would have to go through if I did have cancer rather than of the possibility of me dying. If it were my time to go then it’s my time to go. This is interesting to me considering that I thought I was always scared to die. But now that I think about it, I think i’m more scared of losing people I love than of me dying myself. This whole health scare made me realize that I was only scared of cancer taking me because it would be hard on my parents. If not for them, I would probably just let myself die. That sounds messed up. But nowadays, I don’t think I really care what happens to me. Reality doesn’t feel like reality anymore. And this has made me feel like a shell of some lively kid from the past whom I don’t even know anymore.

p.s. I hope this doesn’t offend anyone who has cancer or who is going through cancer or who knows someone who has. My heart truly goes out to all of you

[Dolphin14]

Hi 97Bunny11

I know I worry about the family and friends I will leave behind if something happens. I bet it's pretty common for people to think that way.

I hope you got your symptoms checked out to be sure you are ok.

Try to work on your overthinking. It is possible to change these thoughts so you are living in the present

Best Wishes

🐬

[97Bunny11 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks Dolphin, I appreciate it. I plan to check them out when I can ❤️