I did something I regret.

[97Bunny11]

So, I posted here about how I sent a video on how comparison can affect kids to my dad, which hurt my dad a lot, and how I felt bad about it. I just deleted that post because since posting it I talked with my dad about it and thought there was no need to leave that post up. But now I feel even worse than when I had first posted about it and before we had talked about it. I guess I wanted him to understand my stance. I understand him now more clearly, but I don't think he understands my stance clearly because we both come from such different upbringings. That's fine, I'm not really upset about that. I'm more upset with myself for even sending that video (or the other ones 'cause I had sent other ones before that) in the first place. I'm upset for blaming my dad for so long, but not really 'cause I was immature and didn't know better. We ended the talk on a good note, but the whole time, I felt horrible. I hurt the one that I love. Again. This wasn't the first time my feelings got the best of me and I chose to express it and it backfired hurting the other person.

For a long time, I didn't really get why or how mental health is stigmatized. I felt like I was always able to express my feelings without feeling like I was misunderstood. But now I get it. When I look back at all the other times I've talked about my feelings with other people, I get it. When I remember how they all kinda brushed it under the rug for the most part (not my dad. My dad is actually pretty supportive), I get it. How sad or hurt they would look afterward, I get it.

Honestly, from here on out, I don't ever want to talk about my feelings with anyone again. It'd either just burden them or they would just not understand. Or I would misconstrue the situation and it'd be my fault. This was definitely a wake-up call for me. I'll talk here though, but that's it. I'll also write in my journal. Until I can get therapy.

Thank you all for reading. As always. Take care❤️

[litethatnevergoesout]

that’s great you were able to talk things out with your dad. I’m glad to see you updated us with what’s happening and how you feel about what your dad has done in the past and the way that has affected you.

of course you don’t want to hurt anyone by trying to communicate how something someones done affected you. i can totally understand how that would make you not want to talk about how you feel to anyone ever again.

I hope you can see that your feelings are valid about being compared to others by your dad. your feelings matter and it’s very appropriate to let others know how something has made you feel.

I really hope you can express how you feel to others in the future rather than keeping it all inside, that isn’t fair to you.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi 97, I guess there are times to not say things, but I think it is dangerous to hold emotions in. I think that those that truly love you, and it sounds like your dad does, want to know how you really feel. I recently had my wife read my journal and she felt bad and a little offended about how I had journaled some of my feelings. It was an uncomfortable conversation for me, but afterwards I felt even closer to her. Perhaps you could work on your delivery, but I would try to express your true feelings. Maybe you could ask a person why they do something a certain way if it makes you feel a certain way? I think many therapists are good at boundaries and making sure they are healthy, I love therapy. I guess I haven't talked with my parents much about how my childhood has affected my mental health today, but I don't feel that it would be helpful to them. If it is someday maybe I will. I understand a lot of where they have come from though, and I don't blame them for anything. I believe we all can shape ourselves how we will once we get the help we need and emotional maturity. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.