So, I posted here about how I sent a video on how comparison can affect kids to my dad, which hurt my dad a lot, and how I felt bad about it. I just deleted that post because since posting it I talked with my dad about it and thought there was no need to leave that post up. But now I feel even worse than when I had first posted about it and before we had talked about it. I guess I wanted him to understand my stance. I understand him now more clearly, but I don't think he understands my stance clearly because we both come from such different upbringings. That's fine, I'm not really upset about that. I'm more upset with myself for even sending that video (or the other ones 'cause I had sent other ones before that) in the first place. I'm upset for blaming my dad for so long, but not really 'cause I was immature and didn't know better. We ended the talk on a good note, but the whole time, I felt horrible. I hurt the one that I love. Again. This wasn't the first time my feelings got the best of me and I chose to express it and it backfired hurting the other person.
For a long time, I didn't really get why or how mental health is stigmatized. I felt like I was always able to express my feelings without feeling like I was misunderstood. But now I get it. When I look back at all the other times I've talked about my feelings with other people, I get it. When I remember how they all kinda brushed it under the rug for the most part (not my dad. My dad is actually pretty supportive), I get it. How sad or hurt they would look afterward, I get it.
Honestly, from here on out, I don't ever want to talk about my feelings with anyone again. It'd either just burden them or they would just not understand. Or I would misconstrue the situation and it'd be my fault. This was definitely a wake-up call for me. I'll talk here though, but that's it. I'll also write in my journal. Until I can get therapy.
Thank you all for reading. As always. Take care❤️