Loosing the will

[winternight]

I have come far from home. And recent days have been difficult, but today was the worst. Previous trauma and triggers brought up along with homesickness, anxiety. I have no will to pursue anything further. Start my degree, be here, talk or do anything. I don't even feel like living. It feels like hell. It also feel like I am being judged all day. Its like I don't just have to try to adjust for myself, and try to do it all the ways possible for others so it won't be tagged as I am not trying hard enough to adjust. While it's just initial days and came with a positive outlook that I will try as much means as possible. Won't say no. Push myself. And I am trying to do that. But I heard the opposite harsh stuff. I was trying to go the calm and composed way. But from what I heard, the calmness, in between happy moments, positive flares, was all bad and sad. I am not sure what I did wrong in the tries. I have been trying to cope up the healthy way here. But I don't know where all I missed and what all healthy ways do I need. I thought not being in the state of being frustrated, bursting out, ranting all day is a plus one until now. It seems i shouldn't be around. Being with someone who is coping up, not as energetic and momentarily gets low is hard for people.

[GlowingDarkly]

I am so sorry you’re feeling the pain, anxiety and despair that is going through your mind right now. You’ve worked so hard to keep yourself afloat, psychologically speaking. When we hit with negative feedback or comments, it is normal to feel like an anchor has been tied to your neck and you are suddenly being dragged down.

So it is so important for us to have a go to mantra or list or positive things we are doing in our life to tap into otherwise it is so easy for us to be consumed by negativity. You are an accomplished person, you are better person today then you were on this day last year. You must continue to believe in yourself and that despite what someone tells you, this time next year, this time next month or this time tomorrow - you have fought your battles to the best of your ability and you’re stronger for it.

You are worthy of respect and love. You are deserving of success and happiness. And you’re not alone in your struggle, we all are seeking the same things along side you.

[CLB1125]

im sorry you’re struggling. It’s so hard to cope especially when you are far from home. Try not to let the negative cloud your way to your goal. Do your best and be proud of yourself for doing so. We are here cheering you on!!!