Can't sleep

[aWorriedOne]

I am having a tough night. First time in awhile that I've even needed to post. I want to vent, but I also want to end that vent with self praise to hopefully stop this brain cycle tonight.

Vent:

Finances are a struggle and I have been clinging to escapism quite a bit. I am avoiding a lot of responsibilities. I worry so much about my cats health (she is now on a costly monthly injection.) I feel lonely. I feel under pressure. I feel helpless. I feel out of control. I feel too distant from my friends and folks. I've started drinking more. I struggle to not self harm. I still constantly struggle with being present. I can't break caffeine.

Praise:

I have made a large dent in my parents hoarding house. I have worked consistently. I have had no major breakdowns in a few weeks (only a few small ones and two panic attacks.) I express myself better to my partner. I have gotten better at accommodating my partner's neurodivergent needs. I have gotten better at remembering to breathe. I take my iron supplements every day. I laugh everyday. I got an opportunity to apply for a entry level construction career job and actually reached out. I obsess a little less. I am somewhat better at ignoring my intrusive thoughts. I have less negative self talk.

I know I am improving, I try so hard. It just feels never ending.

[Shnookie]

I think it’s great about all of the improvements you have made. My concern is that you have mentioned that your drinking has increased. If U R on any meds, it’s not a great thing to mix meds with booze. Do you have a therapist to talk to? I’m here 4 U. Hugs 🤗 S