Ive been going thru hell last several years. Dont know when things will get better. Had different psych providers taken alot of drugs. My housing my foundation for last 20+ years in jeapordy. Im 64 and all the stress has made me physical and emotionally ill.
I wish I could say something positive. I know I sound like broken record. This illness is horrible. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
I know we have to help ourselves. Im just too sick and messed up to do it right.
My friend. Man can I relate to your words and pain. I'm 67 and last year was the topper of them all pain wise. Had exhaused many avenues and was out of ideas. My saving grace was my first trip to a hospital. I really was out of options, so what did I have to lose when they suggested once again a major change.
It worked . Now it's easy for me to say that since I've found a lot relief, but my suggestion is to keep trying. Don't give up. There has got to be the help you need, but unfortunately you just haven't found that right mix yet. Something med wise has gotta connect those wires
Try something new and if that doesn't work then do it again.
Have hope
Don't give up
Once we stay with what isn't working , then despair sinks in
Ive tried everything I can think of.
there’s nothing wrong with me
Nothing sticks and feeling empty 
Nothing relaxes me anymore.
Sleeping too much then nothing at all
