Incapable of faith ?

[Anzanddepreshgirl]

Does someone have a problem with faith in something around here too? When I say incapable I really mean like seems like my brain and body can't do it, even if I try really hard.

I can't have faith in entities, religion, anything at all, I feel really weird. It's like I lost my human part that could have faith.

It can be because of my background of why I started the treatment, but still, I feel really weird. I told my therapist that I wanna take this for us to talk, maybe I can understand myself better. But I would really like to know if someone else pass or passed through the same thing.

[Marysblue]

I have struggled with my faith for the last few years. I practice each day reading, meditating on the word. But I don't feel it. But yet I still have hope that there are Gods promises made to me that I will see.

[Anzanddepreshgirl in reply to Marysblue]

I hope we and whoever feel this way can feel normal again.

[Gandolfication]

Anzanddepreshgirl,

Yah, I feel and have felt exactly like that. On another depression website that sadly closed, I'd written about this for years, and how painful it has been for me to have lost the (evangelical, Biblical, fundamentalist, literal) faith in an all powerful, all loving, knowing god who loves me unconditionally, etc. My entire life and family's life revolved around this. We were committed. It was everything, and it was so much hope. And then after years of depression and anxiety, etc., I just couldn't any more. He wasn't there. It wasn't real. I cried out. Nothing.

So, I stopped pretending to myself or to anyone. (After years on a journey, I've made my way back to a Universalist Unitarian "unchurch" fellowship, which is church where they don't tell anyone what to believe, instead agreeing on shared, chosen values, which are more compassionate, tolerant, and just better, etc. I feel like it has been the central traumatic experience of my life, and I have not gotten over it. The book below is all about it from a psychologist who specializes in what she dubbed, "religious trauma syndrome," not yet in the DSM, but still very real. I'm still working on it, and it still hurts like crazy to me.

amazon.com/s?k=leaving+the+...

[Anzanddepreshgirl in reply to Gandolfication]

OMG, THISS ! I started my treatment bc a young friend of mine died in a horrible way, she was one of the sweetest person anybody could have as a friend, she was only 17 years old. I had a Christian background belief as I grew up, got more like what was "the right way of believing " as I got older and then, when she died nothing made sense to me, life or afterlife, I even tried to get closer to church and be really into it because of fear of going to hell, but I couldn't, then I felt broken.

few time after I found myself into paganism, but even though it has so much more to do with what I believe, I couldn't have faith.

So death really triggers me, because I still have that fear of being wrong and afterlife being worse than life already is. I'll take it to therapy bc really bothers me and makes me feel less normal.

[Gandolfication in reply to Anzanddepreshgirl]

I'm sorry to hear that.

I don't fear an afterlife. I fear I'll never really live again in this life, other than to suffer.