i don’t know

[Mmlengal]

some days I don’t even know what to keep fighting for anymore. I want to be happy, but I don’t think that will ever happen. I have to work for happiness, but I don’t know what to work towards. I don’t know what career I want. I’m only 20, but I don’t know and it feels like everyone else is working towards something and I’m not. I don’t think I’ll ever get there. I’m just going to be stuck until I decide I’m ready to end my life.

[IncognitoC]

You say that you are only 20, that is what I was going to say to you! You are only 20, you have your whole life ahead of you. Plenty of time to work on what you want from life. Eventually things will fall into place.

[LoveforAll41]

Mmlegal, I am sorry that you are feeling so down! Please make sure you reach out to emergency services if you ever feel that you are considering harming yourself! I called the suicide hotline once before lacrosse practice and had a good cry in the religious institute building. I was then able to talk to my coach and work more on getting therapy and whatnot. Still crapped out of college, but went to a tech school and got a certificate and a higher paying job. Now back in school online for a bachelors degree.

There is no problem with not knowing what to do or commit to or devote your life to. Maybe it is to bettering your town and volunteering or becoming mayor, coaching a sport or dance or activity, or raising animals. Maybe having a great love story. Maybe working your way up the local factory. Maybe staying at the lowest level job of the factory and being an avid consumer of television. Everything and everyone has worth no matter what. You can go to school when you're 20 ,30, 40 ,50 or anything but dead. There are aptitude tests and stuff that can help you find your interests. To me i don't have to be super passionate about my field but want to feel like I contribute and help my team and company etc.

I also recommend tech schools, you can get certificates in a year or less often and find some employment in a related field. This is often higher earning than a lot of jobs and would make it easy to afford a four year degree if you want one.

There are even careers helping people decide what career they want. You can also change careers whenever you want. I fancy being a plumber if my current path doesn't pan out. Sorry for the long post, my years from 18-25 or so were very depressing to me and I hope you don't have to go through the same thing. Your worth is not tied to what you do. You can relax and enjoy going to the movies or riding a dirt bike all day after work or something. You are worth as much as anyone else no matter what. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.