I can’t control any of it

[Tiberius3]

My story: I made the choice to become POA of my grandmother who has now has mid-stage dementia. This journey started early 2022. She was, and still is, not aware of the severity of her memory deficits causing her to put herself in danger on the daily basis. She has 6 kids who all pretended like nothing was happening, because that’s what we do in this family. We lost my aunt earlier this year and just found out my uncle has cancer. This has been the literal hardest thing I have ever experienced. Not only accepting we are mentally losing her while she is physically still here on Earth, but drudging up all the toxic family dynamics and trauma from my childhood. She is safe now in an assisted living 2 minutes away from my job. So after getting this far, I have now found out that my dad has fully spiraled into his gambling addiction. To the point that he has basically stolen money from multiple siblings and lied to me so my grandmother could pay for somewhere for him to stay.

So here I am, with low blood pressure, swelling in hands and feet, and having panic attacks. I feel so many things all at once all the time and it is exhausting. I have been in survival mode for a while now and body apparently cannot handle it. So I don’t know what’s next. I’m just here. Trying to grow within the pain. Trying to control the controllable. I guess I should stop trying? Just say “okay”. Idk.

[CLB1125]

your grandma is safe so that’s something. Your father has a very serious problem, but you can’t do anything about that, just don’t get sucked into his manipulation. so try and not think about that. Keep telling yourself that you are your first priority. I know that’s hard to do but necessary. We forget that sometimes .

[Tiberius3 in reply to CLB1125]

I know what I have to do. I just never thought in a million years I would be dealing with such deep rooted conflicts, especially with my dad. He was my hero as a child… I guess that’s what many people say, right? Then they realize they’re parents are just. Human.

[CLB1125 in reply to Tiberius3]

Our parents are just human too. Gambling is very serious addiction. It ruins a lot of people’s lives. But he has to be the one to say I have to get help with this. He won’t stop until he’s ready. All you can do is love him.

[Tiberius3 in reply to CLB1125]

So true. Hard pill to swallow.

[CLB1125]

yes it is.