Hello. Thank you for checking up on me. My dream has always been someone to notice my absence. I have always been invisible, unimportant, a burden or just not that important or not that too bad to worry.
Mom made comparison between me and her coworker's daughter who gave birth and is going to work while "I'm whimpering about an accommodation". I really hate when mom, grandma, dad say i have it easy. They don't know the f*cking crushing damage in my head. The damage they dealt. I'm mentally ill, why comparing me to healthy people? I have nowhere to go - i hate my accommodation and i just got home and mom made me go insane again with so little. If only she had fallen asleep 15 minutes earlier. I'm practically homeless - i have nowhere to go. I have nowhere to be safe. All my friends lost interest in my because "all i talk about is my problems". Hello, I'm mentally ill. Have you heard of empathy? Or psychology? It explains how when my nervious system is on the edge i can't have a baby and a job like Karen's daughter. (She isn't actually called Karen but i like the Karen meme). I want to scream "F U MOM, alcohol, dad, inflation, brokers, idiots, grandparents, Putin, covid, mentally healthy pretty successful people"
I tried to talk to the boy from the app whom was talking about this for a long time but he just said goodnight and he has to be at work and he's meeting a female coworker he hasn't seen. Been a great support but for a few days i was SURVIVING in my accommodation and had no energy for a proper conversation with him and even here. And now i come home, mom pisses me off and boom. How does she want me to have a baby and a job when she made me such a psycho i scare the people it depends on and i know i can't do it. I know myself. And i know when something isn't good for me. But have my parents given me credit for that? No. I could be doing drugs and changing boyfriends and girlfriends but I'm a bad person because Pepa's daughter has a baby?!? Have i impregnated her or something... I mean dude it was her choice. I want to scream. The same fking song over and over in my head. Yes parents, abuse me, this will really motivate me to stop being mentally ill and get my life together and reach milestones. I litterary have budget for a house that's enough for a parking place in the US. What a time to adult. F U mental damage. ....h...e...l..p......m...e....e.....s....o...s..😭
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Against_the_current
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You are so right! They shouldn’t compare you nor abuse you and it makes sense that you are so angry. And you ARE important! You ARE strong to keep going. I’m so sorry 😢
I agree but my accommodation is really making me feel miserable, claustrophobic, i struggle to keep it clean, to look after it and myself so i got back and this is what i see
I do indeed notice when you are silent for a while. I try to respect the possibility that you need a break from HealthUnlocked and to give you time to appear again and also let you know I’m thinking of you.
I am sorry your mom said something so tactless to you. As Starrlight said, you shouldn’t be compared to others. Even if you had no health issues, you might not want to have children, and your family should know that is your decision and yours alone.
Didn’t you just take a class or a predatory course or something? I seem to remember you mentioning something about that earlier. How did that go?
What was the class about? I believe that you felt edgy, but I'm glad your intellect got some exercise. Your mind needs interesting things to feed it and challenge it. I realize it can be hard to find the right amount of stimulation to keep your intelligence engaged without causing too much stress.
I know that's how you feel. I'm not going to tell it's wrong. But I will tell you that I — that we — want you to stick around. I want to see what you become.
I noticed you were not here, and so did many others. We can not be with you physically but we can be virtually! You are loved and cared about here. I know from experience how terrible blood family can be. Because they are your blood family doesn’t always mean they are good for you. I know you hate your accommodations but think of it this way, it is “your” space, a safe mental space. Nobody telling you how you should be or not be. While you are there you can quietly think about how you want your life to be. You have the internet available, look for mental illness help available to you. There must be counseling available at your school, talk to them about your situation. They may have resources available to you. You know now you can’t depend solely on your family for support. Reach out to professionals to help you make choices and find the help you need. As someone else said you have to weed toxic people out of your life if you want peace. You are strong you can do this! We are all here to support you!! We noticed!! We care about you!!!
Thank you HU family 😭. My school doesn't care about me. I go to therapy around my accommodation but i really can't take care of the place and myself. I was starving myself because i would throw up from anxiety and claustrophobia, feeling so alone, can't clean, fighting the mold suffocated me
Hang in there!! Don’t hesitate to vent. And you are wonderful YOU! You don’t need to be like anyone else and people who compare their kids to others kids it’s just a low blow. And a reflection of them being wrong 😑. So sorry you’re struggling. Just remind yourself all the positive things you are doing for yourself. Lifting you in prayer. 🙏🏻
You're absolutely right, but you've gotta remember that your parents did the best they could at the time. Now your all grown up and need to take responsibility for these negative thoughts and change them up to positive ones. If you don't, what will happen? You don't need to have a baby to change things; that would be a bit drastic (although it might actually do the trick). You might not have enough money yet for a place of your own, but keep saving. Keep planning, take care of your room and yourself. Playing "poor me" just will not get you anywhere. What are you grateful for? Just one little thing? How can you make things better for yourself? Just one little thing? You say you are mentally ill but we've all got to do the best we can with what we've got. Start with a smile. It gets your feel-good endorphins going. 😀
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