Hey... Writing here helps me to process what I'm living. I admit I need a lot of support to go through what I'm going through now. I can't let go of the therapist I've been with for three months. She's a nice person, or say she's actually a good therapist, but more than once I felt we weren't a match. Lately I've felt she doesn't get me when it comes to something as serious as having extreme levels of anxiety, to the point where I've even scratched my ankles to release this extreme level of distress. Physical pain is always more manageable. I don't feel contained by her. I think she tries but I don't feel fully understood. I do feel like I'm explaining myself too much, working too much to adjust the therapeutic alliance. I told her about my extreme distress on an email and she didn't mention it in the session. She didn't bring it up. I felt invalidated.
I'm in crisis and it's super stressful to iniciate a process with someone else. I am worried that the problem is mine, not hers, and that I'm just jumping from one therapist to another. However I've done around 20 sessions with her (which I think it's quite a lot, I gave it a change, even though I'm aware I have complex issues).
I found someone else that seemed to care and understand me, but I'm worried I'll be one resistant again and quit and never make progress. How can I know?🤯
I'm currently in a very vulnerable place. I'm not working, barely no friends, no routine, doubting about everything and feeling like I no longer know who I am and what can I do. Directionless. I have some despersonalization and derealization too. I need someone to get me out of this dark place really, no therapy is not an option. How do I let go of her? Is it really a good idea to do it now?
And most importantly, what self care or therapeutic activities would you suggest to support myself in this process, so I feel less dependant on the figure of a therapist. I'm all ears.
🙏✨💜