I'm depressed

Idk if I'm having situational depression or if this is MDD flaring or, bipolar. I'm just down. It feels like I'm either extremely anxious or extremely depressed.

Why can't I just be ok? Like, I cry at the drop of a hat, I'm weak.

I guess situational would make sense because of all the balls I have in the air, finding a new provider, etc... Finding good mental health care shouldn't be so grueling and complex and honestly so stupid. I can't find another fitted word.

I wanna throw my hands up and, just give up on finding good mental health care and just dealing with my emotions myself, however, that would work idk. 🤷‍♀️

Currently, I'm stuck with dealing with A provider to keep up with my current medications, which sucks because they're lacking so much professionalism and knowledge. I'm still stuck ruminating about that crap that happened. The LPN that yelled at me should be reprimanded or educated in proper patient care. I wouldn't even talk to my enemy in such a terrible manner. She really f'd me up. I can't stop thinking about it. I have retained legal support and got advice. Idk maybe I'm overreacting but it's up to me, right? I reported her to the Attorney General and a couple other agencies.

I think I learned more in the last week about processes, procedures, and rules in the mental health care area than my providers. That's just my opinion.

I can't get my records or results unless I go in and fill out forms, why does it have to be so hard to find out what they think about me?

I feel really unfairly treated and judged by everyone in the healthcare industry in general. I can't go to my PCP for physical healthcare without going into detail about my mental health and medications, resulting in judgment. You know how you just know they're judging you?

It's like

'OH! You're legit crazy!'

I'm doing a brain dump I guess, I'm sorry. I'm just so tired of everything. I wanna give up. I've said this before and, it's passive but, I wanna fall asleep and never wake up. I know how bad that sounds but I'm not suicidal I just wanna be allowed to expire. Leaving all this shit behind. Escaping.

Sorry for rambling.

I'm gonna go listen to binaural beats.

Much love and light to everyone. Also sorry if I made you feel a certain way, I don't mean to.

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

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Thank you, you're right. I'm tryin. And, thank you, she's our baby 💗

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Don’t ignore your mental health. Always talk about it and let it out. Art therapy or music therapy helps us.

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You know what? You're right! I don't have much human contact but I can always write and color. Thanks!

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Mine isn’t situational it’s a long lasting deep depression that I that gets bad a couple times a year and am still struggling with it now. but I feel for you! Cute cat!❤️. I hope your depression eases real soon !! I’m hoping mine does too because we shouldn’t have to feel this way! Sending peaceful vibes Swilly!! I don’t have much human contact either! hug- Shay

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Ahhh I'm sorry you struggle with depression also. Mine is kind of the same way. It'll pop up sometimes for no known reason. I get worried when I'm happy that It'll creep in.Huggggg

thank you 🙏

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Ok yes me too! It’s better when we have someone who cares and understands what we’re going through! I care and understand! We help each other!!🤗