my sister

[Barneybetsy]

I came on this site whilst looking for help for my sister. She has had a couple of breakdowns in her life leaving her a complete shell of her normal self who is outgoing friendly always doing things travelling having fun. Such a warm lovely person.

She is now 4 years into a breakdown and is in such a complete mess she sits indoors all day shaking and crying not being able to do anything really at all. So every day stuff her husband does and think he’s had enough and is becoming a bit depressed himself.

She won’t take antidepressants (although is taking a very low dose of something, she says) but is not under any doctor or therapist not that that’s easy in the Uk.

I’m so worried about her as when I see her once a week and she does come out with me which is such a feat she shakes and cries all the time we’re out with a little bit of talking about other things where she might stop shaking and crying and talks like my old sister 🙏 when she’s so upset I plead with her to get help and I would help her as it’s like starting from the beginning with medication. She has absolutely no faith n doctors or help at all and so scared of side effects . I’ve talk constantly about this site as I think it’s absolutely amazing and so much help and support for people. She stops me when I talk to her about help I. Anyway and says just listen to me and then just want to talk about how absolutely awful she feels. She’s so so ill and really I’m posting to ask what I should do. I’m contemplating emailing her surgery as they won’t speak to me and she saying she looks at suicide sites all the time , she says she won’t do it as she won’t do it properly!!!

What do I do I see her once a week and all she says is don’t give up on me but I want her back and gel with help she could be?

if you look at my initial post you will see the reasons for her breakdown.

Anyone got any thing that I could do to help her.? Please

You are all doing so well as I love that most are getting some help and support from this site and trying to forge ahead under such a rotten illness .

Thank you for reading this.

[wbme]

It's very clear from your post that you're a very kind and loving sister. I think it is wonderful you're here seeking supportive ideas to support her in moving toward healing from the breakdowns. Of course, I don't know your sister so I'm only going to be saying what might help me if I were in a similar situation. Still, maybe something will give you an idea that leads you in a meaningful direction.

First, I think I would want to be validated for my concerns that doctors and treatments don't always work. I think it's ok to acknowledge those limitations. They are people and they make mistakes and even if they don't, every fit is not a good fit. I would want to hear someone tell me that it may take time to find the right doctor and the right medication but that you'd stay by my side until they were located.

Next, similarly to the first one, I would want to hear that there is something happening to my body and my mind that is deserving of attention. The right medical provider will know what tests to run to figure it out. I'm not your sister's age but I am female and we can have all sorts of medical problems that present with psychological symptoms. I think I always want a doctor to rule those out for me too.

Finally, I think that just continuing to be there for her as she is available is huge. Coming back from something this overwhelming can feel next to impossible. I basically haven't been myself in a decade. If we are being honest, I don't think I have enough time left on earth to fix all that is broken within me. I don't think that's true for most people, though, especially people with excellent supports like your sister has in you.

I sincerely hope you find what you need to move forward with your sister toward as much of her old life as she wants to reclaim. I hope you find professionals who support you. I hope you find answers that help you make informed decisions. I am so happy to read she has people looking out for her right now. I am sure you love deeply and I have no reason to believe she doesn't feel exactly the same.

[Barneybetsy in reply to wbme]

Thank you so much for your reply I thought I had replied to you but can’t see it?

Saw my sister today and she just doesn’t want to talk about getting help at all. So from reading your reply maybe it’s best I’m just there and not trying always to make things better, but just to listen and not judge or want her to look for help. She’s just not going to and think I’ve got to accept that.

So sorry to hear you have suffered for so long it must be so hard and the fact that you are up to reply to me you must be a very special person to do that when you are suffering also.

Sending you a big hug.

Thank you