I'm going back to therapy and I'm scared

[Crazy-K]

I finally just called and set an appointment to go back to therapy. I go next Wednesday at 9am. My hands are shaking now just from making the phone call.

I am terrified of what therapy is going to bring up for me. I'm terrified that I could be doing all of this for nothing. I'm terrified of the thought that maybe ​they can't help me. I'm terrified of opening up to anyone in person. I don't know why it's so much harder to do in person.

I guess I'm just looking for some support​right now. It's my last chance at this Dr office because, I missed so many appointments before. I don't want to mess this up again. They said my first appointment will just be doing the intake evaluations all over again. I don't know why but that stresses me out.

Does anyone have any experience or advice when it comes to therapy? Its all the questions in my head that are getting to me right now. The fear of what is to come. Any encouraging words or advice would be very much appreciated right now. Thanks to all in advance.

[Hardlookcap]

My appointment is the 14th and I feel exactly the same! Last night I decided to write things down to take with me because when on the spot, I forget or don’t communicate everything I wanted to. I listed my triggers, my reactions and symptoms, meds I am on, meds I have tried, ways I’ve found that helps control this and things I feel that are out of my control. I also listed any phobias that develop. If you need help, I’m more than willing to share any of my own info to help.

[Crazy-K in reply to Hardlookcap]

Writing things down may help me, I am the same way when I am on the spot. I have no idea what all my triggers are I just know my anxiety is exhausting and overwhelming. I don't even know where to start. I just get so overwhelmed thinking about it. I feel like all I do is think.

I'm glad I am not the only one that feels this way about going to therapy though. It's good to know I am not the only one freaking out about it. If I can just make it to all my appointments this time I think that will definitely help.

[Hardlookcap in reply to Crazy-K]

Yes, holding to appointments is something across the board professionals know we are bad at. Where I am at, if you don’t, they’ll drop you from care. I guess it’s tough love here. Also if I’m late on picking up any meds that are for mental health, my Insurance calls me.

[Crazy-K in reply to Hardlookcap]

I guess they have to be that way. I understand it. I'm just afraid I will freak out again and quit going. I know I will just have to make myself go, and I'm not very good at making myself do things. It took me so long just to make the phone call to go back. I'm trying to get better at it.

The doctor hasn't called about my meds, but the pharmacy has called me. I was on Celexa for about 2-3 months and I quit taking it. I hated it. It made me feel nauseous all the time. I was less sad on it but it made me feel like my anxiety was worse.

I would still like to try meds I just don't think that one was the right thing for me. I'm worried they won't be able to find anything that works for me.

[Hardlookcap in reply to Crazy-K]

I went through years and years of trials. I quit a few times myself. Some side effects are worse than the disorder! The good news is... it’s out there. I had to have a combo of meds. Pristiq and abilify and quite high doses. One helps one disorder, the other helps another. It’s tricky. Don’t give up. It’s out there!

[Crazy-K in reply to Hardlookcap]

I'm going to try my best to not give up this time. I hope it doesn't take years, I'm not sure if I can last that long. I guess I just have to try and keep telling myself I can do this. I'm hoping for the best. I appreciate your support. Thanks so much.

[Hardlookcap in reply to Crazy-K]

I understand it being hard to hang on. Once you find something that works ... it is life changing! Keep hope!

[mcpshedd in reply to Hardlookcap]

I have same issue, don't know what triggers anxiety, but go to counseling, walk through that fire, it will get better.

[Sprinkle1]

I think I understand how you might "Feel" or better yet what you are Doing to yourself. I was the financial Ad-visort at a Therapy Center in Central Calif 30 some years ago. Had Therapy, went to work shops, proud of myself. Then the Director told me he would like me to go into "group"....!!!??** Did a good number on stirring myself up. Long story short, it was one of the best things I have done in my life. I love the idea making notes to take with you. Another valuable lesson I learnt by my incessant reading Most new people go thru this. So I could look at other newbies (group kept to 12) and realize they to were frightened, and squirming in their seat, so often once we became a cohesive group, we would say how we HAD felt and get a good laugh at our own insecurity's, seeing how we had grown and changed. When I started I kept my mouth shut (we did not have to talk if we did not want to), things bubbled up, others triggered feeling and thoughts, then I wanted to talk and be able to reach out and give. When I was first at the Center, I was pretty quiet and shy. I asked our Director one day what he thought I needed to work on, the said "Assertiveness", No quiet and shy Sprinkle anymore, I am not loud or rude, but I gave up being a door mat and a people pleaser, He taught me how to not only like myself but to love myself. It changed my life for nothing but better. So digging back into my cobwebs (I keep them clean), good, healthy lessons that give me pleasure today and I Need when the neurotransmitters are out of balance. I hope these words make sense to you, I can remember the person I WAS, I learnt to kiss her and wave her goodbye for she did me no good. The Director asked me to get my degree in therapy, I thought about it, but I do have that weak link that pushes me into depression too easily, due to faulty wiring in my brain. The bottom line though if I am not ill - I am Happy. That did not happen til after therapy.

So I think I have rattled on enough. And will sign off for now, Sprinkle 1, sending Love, Hugs, Peace, Strength. xxx ooo

[Crazy-K]

It is good to know that therapy was so helpful for you. That does give me hope. I think I really need to learn how to be more assertive myself. I really do let others treat me like a doormat. I have a hard time speaking up for myself and very low confidence. I'm always afraid of upsetting others so I would rather just keep things to myself. I hate confrontation because I don't know how to cope I guess. The whole self love thing is hard for me. I would love to learn how to love myself though.

I don't mind the rattling at all. I like hearing about what others have done or been through. It helps me feel less like I am alone. Thanks for your words and support. I feel more encouraged now. Hugs and love to you as well.

[Lostjoy]

I’m so happy to hear you made the call. If you get to feeling like you might want to back out, come here for encouragement. We are all rooting for you! I personally will help talk you right up to the door if that’s what it takes. Good job for making that appointment. I’m proud of you!

[Crazy-K in reply to Lostjoy]

Thank you so much! When I read your reply I cried for a few minutes. I'm not sad though, just a little overwhelmed with emotions. I thought I might actually end up needing that. I can't believe how someone I don't even know can be so supportive and helpful to me. It means so much to me. I don't even know the last time someone said they were proud of me.

I told my boyfriend I made the appointment, and he just said, Well you better do it right this time. He said I need to tell them I'm crazy and need a "nut check" were his exact words. I told him I'm not going to say that. He said well you better because I'm sick of paying for everything.

I don't even know why I told him. I knew he would say something to that effect. I didn't try to explain anything. I'm going to try and help myself and that is all. I'm not going so I can try to get a check. I never even thought about that until he brought it up the last time I started therapy. Then after every appointment he would ask if I was going to be getting one. He would get mad because I didn't bring it up to my therapist.

He is on his way to work now. He left about half an hour ago and I am starting to calm down from that conversation now. You have really been so much help to me and I can't explain how grateful I am for that. Thank you so much.

[Lostjoy in reply to Crazy-K]

Awe sweetie, you are worth so much more than what you’ve been told all of your life.

I wish your boyfriend would be more supportive of you. It makes a world of difference when you have support from family and loved ones. But you can still do this with or without his support. You need to do this for you.

I was on yesterday but somehow missed your reply.

How are you doing today?

[Crazy-K in reply to Lostjoy]

Thank you. I too wish he was supportive. I am going to do this though, I have to.

I am doing ok so far today. Its raining here today and gloomy. I woke up feeling pretty down, but I finally got out of bed. I haven't done anything productive though. I hope you are having a good day.

[Lostjoy in reply to Crazy-K]

Two more days until your appointment. How are you doing.

[Crazy-K in reply to Lostjoy]

Well I found out that I was wrong and my appointment is actually Thursday morning not Wednesday. I don't know how I mixed it up, but I'm doing ok. Getting a little more nervous each day it gets closer. I just try to keep telling myself I need to do this and it will be ok.

[Lostjoy in reply to Crazy-K]

Just thought I’d check to see how you are doing, and how you are feeling about your appointment tomorrow? I’m excited for you to go. I’m hoping this will be a start for you to start recovering from all you’ve been through.

[Crazy-K in reply to Lostjoy]

Thank you. I haven't been on here much because I am sick. I wasn't feeling well and was really tired the last few days. I was hoping it was just my anxiety getting to me. I went to urgent care yesterday to be sure and tested positive for the flu. My therapist office told me to just call to reschedule when I am better. Now I'm just trying to make sure I don't give it to anyone else.

[Lilly5]

Just go to therapy thinking that after it you will feel better. I go to therapy and I like it because I get to say everything to the therapist and come out feeling much better. Therapy will help you.

[Crazy-K in reply to Lilly5]

Thank you. I hope it does help. I have a hard time opening up to people. It's just something I'm going have to push myself to do.

[DAVIDkd]

It sound like you know very well what therapy is about. And it sounds as if the biggest part of your problem is anxiety. That is OK. Congratulate yourself for having the courage to do the right thing for yourself. Therapy is not the easy way out. Somewhere in your head you know this. And anxiety about approaching hard tasks is normal. Try to use it as a motivator. Prepare yourself. Make notes. Make it productive therapy. THe rehersal in your mind can also aid in lowering your anxiety. Do you know there are ways to do therapy online? I have done it and I like it a lot. Do a search. It is cheaper too....if you are paying for it yourself.

[Crazy-K in reply to DAVIDkd]

Thank you so much for your reply. I never thought of myself as courageous. Seeing someone say that has me thinking now maybe I am. I know my family doesn't think so. They think I use my past as an excuse to be the way I am. They don't understand I don't choose it or enjoy it. I'm realizing I have to stop listening to them, because they aren't helping me.

You are exactly right. I know therapy is going to be really hard. When I think about going I feel that fear coming from somewhere. I think I'm afraid of what memories could potentially surface. It's not the memories so much as the feelings that come with those memories. I don't think I know how to process them properly. I'm sure that's something therapy can help though.

I like your suggestions. Doing things to feel prepared could definitely help. My anxiety likes me to be prepared for anything and everything. Maybe writing some things down will help with that.

I actually didn't know I could do therapy online. It's definitely easier for me to open up if I'm not face to face with someone. I also like the thought of being where I'm comfortable instead of at a dr office. I'm definitely going to look into that. Thanks so much, you have been really helpful.

[old-soul in reply to Crazy-K]

In my opinion, (and this is all I can offer is an opinion) this post is really key, and maybe could help you turn a very important corner.

Some say that the changes we have to make are rarely painful. It might sound like a load of crap, but hear me out.

You have shared with us about the intense fear and anxiety you are experiencing and I knkw You're telling the truth, because I experience the same stuff quite often, but this is the approach that helps me.

Let's look at the facts. Nothing has actually happened yet, right? Yet you are suffering tremendously. Nothing has actually changes aside from the fact that you have an appointment scheduled that you will either got to when the time comes for you to go to it, or yoh will not.

I only point this out as an example of this idea that, the changes we go through are often not actually painful. In the end, it is only my resistance to many of these changes that causes me endless discomfort and suffering.

I sure hope this thought helps you to find some relief. You seem to be such a nice person, and I can really relate to the family stuff you talk with us about here. I hate to see you suffer and I really and truely hope this idea, this cognition, may help lessen your unhappyness.

[Crazy-K in reply to old-soul]

Thank you. I do try to tell myself that. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. It's nice to be reminded though.

[DAVIDkd]

Betterhelp.com is the one I used. Just picked it at random.

[Lostjoy in reply to DAVIDkd]

I did betterhelp.com for a month also. I liked the therapist I was assigned to. Just didn’t want to keep paying. I know if it helps it is worth it though.

How long did you do the online therapy for if you don’t mind me asking?

[icDavey]

I only did it for a month also. Even though it was very good deal, I thought, I didn't want to pay a second month. Cheapskate!

[Lostjoy in reply to icDavey]

It’s tough to hand out hard earned money for therapy, for me anyway.

Money is part of my anxiety issues. It’s a vicious cycle. I think I need the therapy, but then I think I should be able to get better without spending the money and then stressing on the money spent.

Coo Coo I know.

[icDavey in reply to Lostjoy]

Nooo.....I am the same. Hell, I don't like spending money for clothing. As a matter of fact, I just lost my Medicaid due to an increase in income and dropped my therapy immediately. But the online services are a really good deal! $45 per week and I can talk any time I want! And the insights I was getting were superb!

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Be honest. Be slow to talk and quick to listen. If you’re given advice, don’t knock it until you try it. Relax. They’ve seen way worse I promise! That’s what they are there for. Stay positive!

[WanderingSoul1306]

Hello there, I see that your post is already a month old. How did your therapy session go? How are you feeling? I have booked my very first session for this upcoming Monday, it stresses me out as I'm afraid to cry there and not be able to explain my messy mind... This is a very strange feeling. If you wanna talk some time, feel free to drop me a line. Sending positive vibes your way! xo