I know that its impossible to think and do some of the things my post say, when you are in deep depression. I have been there many many times. Unable to do anything just lying in bed unable to move. Nothing able to lift me up, some times it went on for months, nothing but blackness and despair. Now I would be unable to look at a post on being happy never mind doing it. I used to just press play on my CD player even that was had to do, and listen to positive tapes mostly by Wayne Dyer, Impossible to compprend never mind do, but after thousands and thousands of hours listening things started to change in my thinking. You see his words had started to penitrait my subconscious mind, I was able to cope and things improved. So my posts are aimed at the moments when that chink of light starts to come! I try to plant a seed with the post that will grow in your mind when the conditions are right for you and me, ray.
Impossible.: I know that its impossible... - Anxiety and Depre...
Impossible.
Never stop planting seeds, my friend. You never know at what point in the future they'll take root and start to grow. You're One of us... we're all One. We live in this cycle of ups and downs and you're a lighthouse in the darkness, a "Ray" of sunlight 🌞
A ray of sunlight how sweet of you, I was once called sunshine smile but my life's jus full of rain now I'm trying to be positive I have a lovely view out the window I'm so grateful for that but I fear of floods my town is surrounded by rivers one the sea I'm 2o minutes away our towns forcast to be one of first to go under I need to relocate and I've just bought my dream house I guess I'm over thinking as I'm alone mam's away with family I might go in park tomorror take some photos of bright green grass and post it was uplifting seeing that today although not nice he geese and swans walking in muddy wet grass I'll have to get my sad Luna lamp out I'm lacking sunlight 😞💛🌟🐼
I really need to get one of those sad lamps for winter! I struggle through seasonal Affective disorder every year! Rest and relax today. Your body is tired from moving and your mind is taking a vacation of it's own due to stress. It's ok to take a self care 💅 🛁🛌🧖🧘🛀break.
Hi thanks it said about don't use if eye problems you best look it up certain eye conditions I just worry about health stuff and when I tried it was boring and getting the right position lol guess it be ok if set up right I've got some soweing to do at some point I can do the lamp then sun's out I best get another walk in it, have a nice day I might post later, I've done bit of work taking carpet woods up banged my bad finger again lol was all swollen yesterday from hammer bash 😁💕
Careful with that 🔨, Love! Take some fun pictures and enjoy your walk. I'm still in bed trying to get over this summer cold... feeling 🤒 exhausted and MAJOR PMS on top of it. ULGH...I hate being female sometimes
Oh heck sorry about that well at least you got the menapause to look forward to 🙄it has its benefits lol I'm just off to shop across park reduction time 😁I hope your colds over soon I hate them 🤗🌹
Oooo... have fun at the shop! I feel like a pile of 💩🙄
😀
Very insightful! Thank you for all your posts, I enjoy them everyday!
Great post my friend. Over the years, I too have listened to my tapes over and
over again and am amazed that I still hear something new at times. Here's to
our Garden of Positivity lol 
xx
No seeds planted grow for me. Just nothing left. Broke, skint, unemployed, old now, ugly facial features, horrible skinny unattractive body, unmarried, no partner, few friends, no money, not even 100 in my bank, house rented, loads of expensive repairs on it need doing, health issues, in receipt of government financial assistance, house in a ruckus not dirty, just stuff evesywhere, can't even afford a hair cut. Not had sex since 2018 or possibly early 2019. Nobody wants me that I want in return. So need a holiday in the hot sun by the warm sea but no chance. No escape from this crap. Mum's got dementia, no hope of ever becoming a grandparent as my only child is gay and doesn't want a child/children. Nothing to look forward to. Very very very extremely bleak lonely financially hard future ahead. People hate me because of my facial features and because I'm unemployed. No car, no licence. Failure, survived critical illness and coma to live in hell, in torture physically and mentally every single day. I was so at peace in my coma, felt my depression and all stresses leave my body. I was contented and at complete peace. Then a divvy icu nurse decides to wrench me away from that by shaking me hard repeatedly. I'd have bust her jaw if I'd had the strenght as I'd already heard the horrible things she'd said about and to me as I lay hearing in my coma. Decided to crush and try to break her fingers instead as I war shuck out of, but changed my mind and released my vice on them. She knew I was furious and had heard her. She mentioned her wrong doing in my coma diary, but didn't mention what exactly she said, and I can't recall, but know it was horrrible like the words of so many others are towards me because I'm not beautiful or attractive looking. Just a stick thin massive conked flat boobed ultra fine fine haired short legged 5ft 1ins skinny twig unemployed failure with no skills/talents at all. If there is a god he/she/they/it is/are extremely damagingly hateful and cruel. I don't want to die, just want to live a happy contented loved life, I'm not materialistic. Only ever wanted a family, a husband who loved me truly and wasn't horrible to me. Guess that that so many do have was to much for me to ever have. I don't want to live if this and what I know even worse is up ahead to destroy me even further. Can't take anymore devastation, desolation, soul destroying heartbreak.
I feel closest to you post than any I see tonight. I wish you weren't so hard on yourself, life is hard enough.
My sister I'm closest too that lives 1000's of miles away is called Jen, and something in your comment made me suspect at first that you were her. And kind of odd too that the numbers in your username hold significance to my sister and l.
I haven't seen her in over 20 years, but we remain as close as possible with 1000's of miles separating us. She lives not far from the country your bio states you are in. You have a heck of a lot going on Jenn, I hope all works out to plan positively for you in October. x
Aw thank you! I have always had this desire to meet someone with a hard and difficult life, have them come so i could spend my time with them, show them the good in life, and enjoy it together. I can't remember if this site uses any volunteers to help provide support for the community, but after I can get myself healthy and stable I'd like to do something like this to help others. I know all too well how it feels to be isolated and alone. Please feel free to reach out at any time.
I like what Jennblank7734 said above. You are being very hard on yourself when life is hard enough already!
First of all, the best friends I have had in my life are my female friends, and once they get to know me, they rarely look at whether I am ugly or beautiful or at my boobs. Second, having a boyfriend or husband and sex is great, but it is not the end of the Earth if you don't get it often. Friendship and companionship are the most important thing we humans need. Third, having these material things are also lovely, but don't necessarily give you happiness. Yes, you should get out of a moldy house if it is causing you asthma, but having a car or a great job is not that important. Fourth, I am glad you are out of your coma; perhaps you were saved by God that is him/her/they/it for a reason? Fifth, my son is gay also, and although at 27, he says he doesn't want children, men have a long timeline to make that decision (unlike us females.) So, your son may change his mind or marry a partner who changes his mind. And you might want to be around to be a grandmother to that child! If not, many children worldwide need our help as mothers in the community. Finally, I am sure if you raised your son, you have skills that could be useful in a daycare, a nursing home, or as a nurse. And I bet you would care more about your patients than the coma nurse caring for you. I hope you can forgive her in the future for waking you up and saying mean things about you. You have a life purpose; you need to find what that is.
Hi yes I also have no children or husband or job pandemic saw to that, I feel at moment my purpose is to be there for my mam and my cat, when she dies I'll do some charity work I couldn't sit about doing nothing and on my own, it's only been 3 days of isolation not seeing my mam, and been endless rain getting out between that, it's been strange no actually person to talk to in the physical sense I have a couple of old lady friends waiting to see the house I should go knock on there door but the house is bit upside down and I'm so tired I'll wait until mam gets back and see them together before there trip away on there 8oth birthday my life doesn't amount to much just looking after a cat and helping my mam and looking after house n garden the odd bit of advice on here, even people with children and husbands don't always feel content they wish for more time alone,my dad was alone many years he went out cycling every day I hope the lady above can read this I'll tell her and understandably it's hard to get doing stuff like joining a organisation when your in depresshion but one has to make that step 🤗💛and no Holliday since I got pixie I cut my own hair too
Take it easy sweetheart, beauty is within, Im sure your a beautiful soul. Ray.
Hello I'm sorry your feeling so low and negative to yourself I'm sure you have something in you that you can feel good about perhaps your kind to animals often sensitive people are you could get a little pet nothing high maintainable, true beauty comes from within we all end up old and loosing our youthful looks I know many people that have met someone that wasn't attracted to by looks they met from charity work as were nice kind people, been attractive can have it's down side it attracts attractive people that aren't always sincere the womanising misogynist types is all I ever met when young ive often seen attractive men with not v attractive lady's then I saw a article men and even lady's I've learned this don't want someone that can get all the men or ladies after them, please see my reply to focusedmind, 🤗
Hi gerrerd thank you for explaining that myself I've had times like that and turned to alcohol self medication and instead when I stopped drinking I turned to my Paul mackenna lol yes I like him cd and some from Buddhist class I mentioned this before I know, I did make the effort bought the mini player couple weeks ago CDs are ready to be unpacked, I've been too tired with house stuff and not needing to listen to his voice to send me to sleep 😁 only joking but that did happen I used to play him in middle night if I woke it sent me back to sleep, his suggestions on positive thinking and confidence did sink in and at night goes into your subconscious, mind training does take effort and I had to do it it was the only way back then when my situation was making me quite down I refused meds because of health anxiety it's about establishing a routine with this cd playing that's they key and I will start again thanks for the reminder. Mam is away still and I'm struggling with the weather but anxious and lack of sun is starting to bring my seasonal associated disorder on I got moving late and laid in after pixie got back to bed but I made myself walk out in the green which uplifted and energised me and breathed the fresh rain prana in, I got some cutting back done and as mentioned the great of hall carpet up cooked a dinner ten mins in air fryer and microwave moved more stuff from mam's, yes went to bed early lol have a warmer day I hope and peaceful.sunday 🤗🌟🙏🌈
🤪
I am so glad that playing CDs in the middle of the night works out for you. I also do that if I wake up early. Good for you! Have a good Sunday! 🤗🌟🙏🌈
I agree. If we read enough positive things they will eventually stay in our sub conscience. Keep posting gerrerd. Thanks
Ray
Thank you for your post. It explains a lot to people that may not understand your goal
I do agree that the more we listen the more things absorb and make sense. Once this happens we can work this into our practice and begin to heal.
This is where you may come up with push back but I think it's healthy. If people can express why this won't work for them we need to recognize where they are in their journey, When starting out or landing in a bad place it's hard to see the light.
You have been there, as have l, and understand the struggle and time it takes to move through this.
I really appreciate this post as it lets us all know you understand the phases we go through. Working together and supporting each other with encouragement and understanding is key
Thank you again for your post
🐬
Keep planting the seeds, Gerrerd! You know it's the right thing to do. Sometimes it takes some time for others to catch up with your thinking. Be patient. It will happen.
I have to keep thinking positive as past was horrific. I have so many bad memories but your posts make me want to live and have better life - thank you 🙏 👍
Could you tell me a little bit more about yourself? Why do you feel like you can't move? ❤️
Please PM me and tell me why. Ray.
You're a great gardener Ray, please keep planting and tilling, we appreciate it.
Sent you a PM, go to my profile click on chat and you should be able to see it. Ray.
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