why can’t I get out of bed?

[Lovecatspetrats]

I have missed a lot of work. I am in the middle of a severe depression episode. It gives me more anxiety thinking that I am being judged because no one actually knows what’s going on with me. Every morning I wake up everything inside of me is telling me that I need to get up and go to work. But it’s almost like I physically cannot force myself to get up. I need the money at this point. I am barely making it. Racked up credit cards and depleted my savings. What is wrong with me?? I am not simply lazy. I have worked extremely hard to get to where I am in my career. I know I am good at my job and I do enjoy it. I could be making a lot of money right now. I just can’t get my brain out of the way. I need help. I have zero energy and everything, including eating and basic hygiene is such a chore. I am so tired. I’m having a hard time explaining myself to my boyfriend whom I live with. He doesn’t understand why I can’t get up in the morning. I find myself not wanting to even talk about it. He is too logical of a person to understand. It is putting strain on my relationship and the amount of guilt I feel is almost unbearable. How can I explain this to him and how can I motivate myself to do better when I feel so run down and exhausted all the time?

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Lovecatspetrats. I am sorry that you are going through this and feel that shame, guilt, and frustration. Are you seeing a therapist or taking antidepressants?

I have been working on self-worth in therapy and my therapist remarked that it is kind of like my value resets to zero each day and what I do determines my self-worth for the day. That puts a ton of pressure on me to be productive each day and if I don't feel I am then I am almost instantly depressed. My anxiety builds throughout the day if I am not productive.

That is a lot of pressure and while maybe I can perform with that for a while, eventually I burn out and spend at least my weekends in bed not doing anything. That is running on the hamster wheel and if there is no way to exit it then it is extremely overwhelming.

I don't know if you can relate at all but maybe a bit... I like "Get out of your mind and into your life" by Steven Hayes.

As far as the boyfriend goes, I feel it is hard to explain mental health issues to someone if they have not experienced them or seen them in someone close to them before. There are probably movies or some documentaries that might cover something like this? I will be interested to see what the community says about trying to explain mental health issues to someone inexperienced with them.

I think know that for yourself you know how daunting and discouraging things are. Know that pressing on for one more day is a victory in itself. I wish you peace, hope, and understanding

[Lovecatspetrats in reply to LoveforAll41]

I take Wellbutrin 300mg. I have only been taking it for a little over a month. Before that I was taking venlafaxine which I had horrible side effects from as an adult. I took it as a teenager and didn’t have the issues I did recently. I also have adhd which I am not currently taking meds for. My doctor is trying to get the antidepressants figured out before starting and adhd medication but I feel like having adhd makes my depression symptoms worse. Wellbutrin is supposed to help both. It doesn’t. I have a bad taste in my mouth about therapy. It’s hard for me to connect with people like that after basically being abandoned by my therapist as a teenager. I know I need help I just don’t know how to do it. Feeling like those people don’t actually give a shit about me based on my bad experience during that time.

[bethelbee in reply to Lovecatspetrats]

Sorry you are having a rough time. Hope the med change is a positive one for you. May I suggest you reach out and try therapy again. What happened to you as a teen getting therapy is in the past and you may benefit from it now. Also, when you find that therapist that is a great match for you it really makes a big difference. There are many good ones out there; I have been very fortunate. And if you do go back to therapy perhaps your boyfriend can join you for a few sessions to help him better understand what you're going through. As others have said unless a person has actually experienced depression and anxiety they will never truly understand. NAMI has great articles that help someone deal with and understand a friend/loved one going through depression. I got a few and sent them to a friend. You can call them at 800-950-6264 or go to their website and contact them through there. They also have a resource directory; you can click on that link on the contact page.

[gajh]

Please don't add guilt to everything else. You are doing the very best you can. The fact that you are still going to work is amazing. I am not surprised that your boyfriend doesn't understand. If people haven't felt the overwhelm themselves, they really can't understand. you don't have to try to explain yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it. Be good to yourself. Try to get as much rest as possible when you are not working. Don't add more on top of that. You are definitely not lazy, you are overwhelmed. Try to do self care.

[Jeff1943]

First time in the morning is the worst time of all for those with nervous systems depleted of energy. We have enjoyed the peace that slumber brings but must now face the world of reality.But I tell you this, when you do arise then within 5 minutes the bad feelings begin to disperse in timely fashion and the world begins to look a much more inviting option.

But how do you summon the will power to make the first move out of your bed? You feel yourself being raised by an invisible force, you feel yourself floating with hardly any effort at all. You float to the bathroom. You float through dressing. You float through making an enjoyable breakfast and an enjoyable cup of Colombian coffee.

In this way you are ready to face your working day which, by your own admission, you are good at and enjoy. As you float to your place of work you are reminded how uplifting nature is, the trees, the blue sky, the fresh morning air so welcome after the fetid air of time spent so long between the four walls.

In all these things you do not have to force yourself you simply float and go with the flow from one thing to the next. Will you try it?

Time spent too long on the bed or couch is a self inflicted injury.

[PeaceNeed]

I cant offer u advice that wouldnt sound cliched. I can only say Im experiencing the same torture u are going thru now. This illness is horrible.Im older so its even harder for me. I can only say if u stop and give in to it you will be lost

[catsrock]

You are far from lazy, you are fighting a mental illness and it's a tough fight. I have the same issue and it's so hard. How is your sleep? I know my depression greatly messes with mine and then I'm even more tired. I also highly recommend tapping meditations (everyone here is probably sick of me saying that - haha!), but a lot of them are free and maybe it will help. thetappingsolution.com/

[MindfulMoment]

Some days it takes all the energy we have just to make it through the day. Give yourself freedom to heal.

[MyDBCB32020]

Hello! We have all had times like this, some last longer than others. In the beginning of my anxiety journey, I found one person that I could trust and let them know how I was feeling everyday. If it was scared, tired, sad, they would be there to hold me accountable.

Your BF may not be the person to confide in or lean to when you are feeling this way. Not having someone to speak to when you are overwhelmed, makes this path so much more difficult. We tend to feed off our company's attitude. Surround yourself with positive people. Friends with drive and ambition. Let them know you have similar goals, it is just a little difficult to sometimes get your day started.

Hold yourself accountable not for the next week, day, or hour. Work minute to minute and see the progress you make and build your confidence. It will not happen overnight, but it will happen!

Get up and SMILE!

[Lazy_dog_lover]

This is a really tough place to be. It is definitely not a quick fix nor is it usually a permanent fix. We all go through this undulating life.

One thing I want to be sure to say is that there is nothing to feel guilty about. This is how your brain and body is currently functioning. Your boyfriend's logic has nothing to do with him not understanding. If he has not experienced it then he just can't relate. Change your interaction with him. Instead of having a conversation about what you cannot do, give him ideas of what he can do to support you, without judgement. "Here is what I really need right now", "I don't need you to understand what I am going through, but I need your support by just listening", or "I don't want you to try and fix things, but I may need some extra help with _____ for a little while".

I have done a ton of psychotherapy. I have even done hypnotherapy. I have studied philosophy. I have listened to a dozen audiobooks (I love listening to Gabor Mate and his thoughts on trauma). I have tried many different medication combinations. I STILL GET INTO A FUNKY LOW. I take sleep medication, so I know I get decent sleep. Without it, I don't function. (If you like science, Andrew Huberman has an awesome YT video on sleep.)

One of the hardest things for me to wrap my head around was that I did not need motivation before taking action. I need to see action like a snowball. As the snowball rolls down a hill, it gains momentum and gathers more snow. This momentum is motivation.

I also needed to learn to release expectations. Expectations of the people around me, of outcomes of events, of my own abilities. I have to remind myself to live in the NOW and what I can do NOW. If all I can do is get up and shower, then that is it. There are days when I forget to eat. When I realize it, I don't beat myself up. I may set something into the refrigerator to defrost for tomorrow.

Deep, slow belly breathing has done a lot for me. It gives me time to pause and think...or I should say pause and feel. I don't do traditional meditation, but when I go in the yard and pull weeds for a few hours, it has a meditative effect. I feel better. Try and find your thing.

It is not easy, but you are worth it.