Now I mess it up

[UkyoCoanccy]

After long time trying to handle my work in a toxic environment and a toxic Boss, I gave her a reason to punish me. I know that I have a responsibility in my job and that my personal problems shouldn't interfere in my job, but all that stress and anxiety that I get from my boss, is making me to struggle a lot. I struggle so much when I have to sleep at night that the psychiatrist gave me pills to sleep. Even though I am taking a higher dose of my pills for depression and anxiety too, I still struggle to get up in the morning. I am always tired. But I know that the pills are working because before the doctor increased the dose, I started to have episodes of anxiety attacks and nightmares again. The stress of trying to handle and keep my job in a toxic environment make my symptoms to come back. So I started to arrive every day late at work. About 5 to 10 minutes and I did not hear the alarm clock even though I set about 3 just in case I can't wake up. Also when the problems in the job got worse, I started to be even more forgetful than before. I forgot what day was in that moment, what day was the next day, I forget that I had to go back to work, and I forgot to eat a lot of times. All this made me to almost miss a day of job. Whe my boss called me to know if I were going to go, I still did not understand why she was asking me that. I couldn't think anything. I just was confused. I felt like if I forgot that I had a job.

Yesterday I missed a day of job. My manager changed my schedule at last minute but I didn't noticed. So I stayed home because I thought I was OFF. Another friend has the same issue yesterday.

Now, my boss took all those tardiness and the day of yesterday to suspend me. I am suspended 3 days. I am mad at me. I know how is she, and I still gave her something against me.

[Hidden]

I feel for you on so many levels with this. I lost my job recently because I could not handle the toxic work environment. People were taking notes on my anxiety and depression behavior mood swings. I was being recorded and pictures taken of me, and was eventually forced out because I just couldn’t take the stress anymore, if you don’t fit in with the people, they will find a way to get you to leave. For me, I’m sure they will take it another step further and take legal action against me. All I can do is wait for it to happen.

I suggest looking for a new job now and move on from the toxic. Be glad that you have the time now to take a breath and move forward. There’s going to be struggles and life doesn’t stop. You have to keep moving forward.

[Agora1]

Dear UkyoCoanccy, please do not be mad at yourself. After reading your post, I feel

that the raised dosage of medication as well as the med you need before bed may be

causing this extreme sleepiness as well as forgetfulness. Use these next 3 days to

collect your thoughts and maybe even give your doctor a call to see if an adjustment

is needed in order to function each day. MY best to you xx