Feeling lonely

[Lovexchi]

I am 28 and have never really had a friend, I suffer from social anxiety，low self-esteem and fear of rejections. I still have dreams where I find myself back in highschool crying and begging my class mates to be my friend, in other to be accepted, I have allowed myself to be sexual abused a lot of times while growing up and I can't even tell anyone. I am so sad and depressed because I got married because I needed a friend but he thinks I am weird.

[TakeADeepBreath]

Hi lovexchi,

That took a lot of courage to write your post, thank you for sharing the struggles you are having. I'm sorry you're going through all of that. I know it much be really painful to hold all of that in. I think you are resourceful for finding this site and being able to talk about these issues. I think your courageous making yourself vulnerable and for reaching out. If you don't mind me asking, what is your support system like? Do you have family that helps you? I apologize but I don't know a lot about the culture in Nigeria. In your post you said that you got married because you wanted to have a friend but he thinks your weird, is this something that he has said to you? Did he provide you with any examples of why he would think that? I'm not sure how long you've been married but if you don't mind me asking, how long have you been married and how long after you got married did you get the impression that he thinks your weird? Does he know about any of the things you've mentioned in your post? I know it's hard to be in that situation, but I think you are in the right place and I think it's good that you reached out for help.

[Lovexchi in reply to TakeADeepBreath]

I have being married for six months now, I love my family so much that I felt complete even without friends because I know they love me too but after marriage he would make comments like my relationship with my family is unatural and why we could be that close. While in high school I couldn't make friends and it was bad but as I grew older, I became comfortable being alone when my sister wasn't around because we lived together off campus during college. Before marriage I found contention with having just my family, I overcame my trauma and was speaking out a lot. I had a lot of opinions about female rights and didn't hide them, I have a good job and was really independent.

He was the first person aside my family that cared to be my friend, he use to tells me how he loves my opinions and doggedness but now, he finds every opportunity to tell me how weird I am and it's because of my opinions and the reason why I couldn't makes friends.

[TakeADeepBreath in reply to Lovexchi]

Hi Lovexchi,

That sounds like it's a difficult situation to have to go through and is affecting your self-confidence, self-esteem- and self-worth. I ask a lot of questions so I will apologize in advance. Have you had discussions with him about how this bothers you when he makes statements like that? If you haven't had that conversation with him, is this something that you think you could do? I think it's really good that you have family support and that you're close with your family. Do they know what you are experiencing in your marriage? I want to provide a little bit of reassurance and tell you that there are a lot of people out there that have experienced the exact same thing and that making friends does seem to get more difficult with age. You would think that it would be the other way around but sadly it's just not. Do you use social media other than this? Do you connect with people on any of the sites? Is that something that you think you could do? You made a great choice by joining a support group and reaching out here. I'm betting that you could make some friends on here. I doubt people here would think your weird. I know that I don't and I don't think other who have comment on your post think that either. We are all here for a reason and can offer each other the support needed to help people heal no matter where they are in the world

[Lovexchi in reply to TakeADeepBreath]

One time I tried telling him how his comments hurt me but it turned into a big fight and words were exchanged, I have also told my family about what I am facing, they advice I leave the marriage but I am currently 3 months pregnant and think it's too early to leave a marriage of 6 months

[TakeADeepBreath in reply to Lovexchi]

Hi Lovexchi,

It sounds like your family is very supportive. I'm sorry to hear that you have had some arguments over this topic, I'm sure that wasn't easy to go through either. I ask a lot of questions so I will apologize in advance. Are you able to do anything with your family (spending time together) I don't know much about your clulture but I'm wondering if there are things you can do with your family where it would offer an opportunity to meet some people and make some friends that way? I'm not sure if you're working but do you meet anyone while you're working that you could see yourself being friends with? I have noticed that it is a bit more challenging to make friends as adults. I'm not certain what happens after we grow out of childhood but most of the people I speak with say that it's definitely harder to make friends as an adult.

[blackcat64013]

Hi, Thanks for your courage to make such a powerful statement 👏

You are not alone. You have friends here who can send you e-hugs from all around the 🌎 world anytime due to different time zones. I am sending mine from Australia 🇦🇺 tonight.

❤🐈‍⬛

[Thankfulforhelp22]

It occurred to me that a lot of people are missing out by not being your friend.

I hope things get better.

[TakeADeepBreath]

Hi lovexchi,I just wanted to checkbin with you and see how you're doing. I'm wondering if things are any better for you?