I'm hoping for better days

[Imhoping4betterdays]

I've been dealing with anxiety that leads to depression since I was 15. I'm now 37 and it's at it's worse. I've been up and down sometimes not having an episode for years. It came back in full force about 5 years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter, about a year after that Covid happened. I haven't been the same since. I've sought help through therapist and am currently on my fourth therapist. I'm hoping this one is a good relationship. I feel like sometimes doctors just want to prescibe medicine. I have an issue with medicine because I fear the side effects. And they want to say oh the pros outweigh the cons nut that really doesn't mean anything to me. I need to feel better, I feel like anxiety is ruining my life and somehow taking over. I miss the old me yeah I've always been an anxious person but before I could manage it and still live. Today it seems unbearable. I feel like no one understands they just say you have to think positive and take your medicine. It's simple and not at the same time. On top of this I'm dealing with the loss of my mother. So I guess its so bad because its all of these things wrapped in one. Not only do I have mental and emotional symptoms, it's turning physical. I get a thought about an illness and immediately my body starts to feel like something is happening. I have to breath my way out of it. Sometimes I get so scared I start trembling

It's has to get better

[Wishfulthoughts]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Things will get better even if it doesn't feel that way in this moment.

What kind of therapist are you with? My best experiences have been with CBT style vs re-hash all the past style ones. I hope you find one that you feel heard by soon who can help you.

Medication can really help- it can be a bit of trial and error when you are looking for the right fit since people can respond so differently to them.

If you've never taken any medication before id encourage you to give some a chance it can help. You also don't have to stay on them forever, they can just help for a short time when you are struggling a bit extra for a few months. I will always be on mine, I'm okay with that. There is one that just gets bumped up when I'm having a depressive episode but otherwise I stay on them for mood maintenance. Side effects wise my stomach hurts sometimes, and some food tastes a bit funny and I'm tired at the end of the day. I am very fortunate.

If you want a non med helpful solution for anxiety here are my best tips:

Breathe into a brown paper bag

Change your body temp by either a hot shower or hold an ice pack against chest or back of your head

Propping legs up above your head

HEAVY Weighted blankets

I could worry about rain on a cloudless sunny perfect day my friend. We are just having a hard time right now. I wish I knew the exact number of days it will be for either of us before we wake up and feel like our old self. Maybe we can take comfort in knowing tomorrow we will be one day closer to that day. ❤️