I have always struggled with this, what gives a human being worth? I currently base a lot of my value on productivity, so when I sit and read, or watch TV, or even visit my in-laws, I get anxious and this can quickly lead to depression. I have severe anxiety around school (college) and had to drop out, I am currently working towards a degree online. I have the same anxiety around work and finances. I think that this comes from me believing that these two fields of my life are where I gain worth, and thus, ironically, I get overpowering anxiety when working on them and fall even shorter.
In my next therapy appointment I am supposed to work on what I believe defines worth. There is of course the example of a baby or child, and of course they have worth. Do they have worth because of their potential? Do they have worth because they have a family they bring joy to? What about children without a family? What about children with abusive families? If we only have worth because of our potential does that mean that we have to be constantly working to be better? Can we ever relax? Do we have worth based on how much fun we can have? How much gratitude we can feel? How we contribute to others' lives? What about when I (or anyone) am depressed and don't interact with people for days or weeks are we worthless? (I know we are not, but why not) I know that in our pits of despair and hopelessness we have worth? Is it just because we are human?
I can sometimes accept myself and that I am doing okay with the experiences and feelings I have. Other times I feel I am worthless...
I appreciate all of you and any thoughts. ❤️
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LoveforAll41
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Everyone has inherent worth, we're all the same, no one is more worthy than anyone else. We're not much different than other creatures, it would seem silly to think that one ant has more worth than another.
If you're looking for confidence someone said that the best way to build confidence is with success, small successes over time can make you feel more confident and worthy but you have the same rights as anyone else
so inherent worth... existing gives us worth? I think that is right based on how it makes me feel. It feels freeing and empowering... Now I just have to learn to live it.
I believe that, the way people view someone's worth will be different from person to person. But there's fundamental factors that give us worth such as being a human as all life is valuable and it should not be taken for granted. Depending on what your interests are, it can make you see levels of value in different people. If you are invested heavily in money and wealth then people with huge balances may seem like individuals with a lot of worth in your eyes. But those who don't have an interest in money really and instead value someone's personality will see worth in people who behave in a kind way and go out of their way to help others.
A baby is valuable because it is a new innocent life and our natural desire is to reproduce and we feel we should protect them even if they aren't ours. Abusive parents may not care about their baby but that baby is worth something to others as in the future they could be someone's adopted child, friend, a parent, a partner or someone who saves you from danger one day.
If we have a period of feeling down and we don't make an impact in people's lives or be productive in our own because of how we feel, it doesn't make us lose value or worth because we have our reputation built up from past experiences. There are still friends and family members who love you and people in the future that you will meet or make a change to their life, whether it's positive or negative.
If a family member passes away they still have value because we have memories of them, and the may have left a legacy behind to inspire or aid you in your life. They could have been the reason you were born and so they will always be special. Even if they aren't alive anymore to help others or contribute to society.
If someone doesn't help anyone or themselves and instead, sits and feeds off of other people's money and time without contributing any of their own, they are still worth something as a life because they could possibly change and become a better person. They are also someone's child or relative in some way even if they are hated. Despite being a burden everyone has potential.
Hi Loverforall41, you raise an interesting question, and one I too have thought about many times.
I think that worth is subjective, and different for different people, but for me I feel worth comes from making the world (the small section of it that I have any influence over) a better place. That means, among many others: doing things that make the lives of others easier, working on things that have value to me and others, being kind, helpful, supportive, fixing things that are broken, bringing order where there was previously disorder, making things safe and secure, learning new things, and passing on skills.
I say 'the bit that I have control over' as I think it's important not to get overwhelmed by the enormity of trying to 'make the world a better place'. There is lots wrong out there (amplified by the news and social media) but there is lots of good too. I can only control or have effect on a very small bit of 'the world', but that is fine, and as long as I'm doing more good stuff than bad then things are getting better.
Examples might be things like tidying a room, repairing something broken, painting a fence, planting flowers or plants, helping someone order something online, creating an instructional video, being helpful at work, listening to a struggling friend, or donating to a charity. All these thing make the lives of others and possibly yourself easier or brighter.
One last note: I think it's easy to get hung up on money, and it is important to have enough to get by, or feel secure, but beyond that real richness comes from having close friends and positive relationships.
I hope this helps, it's a tough thing to think about. I'd be interested to know your thoughts.
Thank you all for your thoughts! I think that I would like to get to the point where I can feel valuable just sitting and being. Experiencing, or being alive to experience something can bring worth?
There is the caveat there though (as with acceptance therapy) that perhaps you will lose motivation. My main goal is to not feel worthless, or feel anxious because I am not being productive, or spiral into depression if I feel I have not had a "productive" day. I appreciate the responses and agree with all of them in a way. I am religious, and even if you weren't, I think value does have to come within, or your relationship with humanity (the greater good) or goodness/morality.
I like the idea of gaining value from bettering your sphere of influence. I do tend to get down about the world, but I can try to raise my children so they don't have the same issues I have 😀 It gets a little hard when I think about trying to get a home that would be something like my wife grew up in, she is supportive and doesn't care, but I struggle with it. Then there are countries like Peru where there are many that live in stick-and-tarp tents.
I think it all comes down to perspective, and if it is something that disrupts your life like mine, or if you need motivation maybe, it is something that you have to examine. Luckily I don't have the problem about feeling bad about the way the world sees me, but I see myself as far behind where I could be. On my bad days I feel I am far behind where I should be (don't should on yourself!). Maybe I will make a pros and cons list about changing my perception and post it here. It is a technique Dr. David Burns uses in his therapy and I like the idea. Thanks again for your support and thoughts!
Your worth is not in achieving. It's on being. You are a soul with a body look at life from this place. The body is your vehicle its the driver inside, the witness behind the mind. Go within that's were your happiness is. Get to know you, be still and contact you. The world is a never ending puzzle, just relax let your life flow. Let go of what the world tells you go within ask questions you will get answers. Ray.
Here is a bit of an update. My therapist is still challenging me to understand what determines worth of a person. I do accept that we all have inherent worth NOT based on potential or what has been done in the past (even just the investment of someone caring for us as children). It feels like an absolute truth to me that everything has inherent worth.
Looking up self worth you mostly find that it is not tied to anything that we can acheive or esteem we can earn from others. Author Stephanie Jade Wong defines a long list of what it is NOT. Some of her words on what cannot determine your worth: Anything or anyone but yourself: Here we get to the heart of the matter—you are the only one who determines your self-worth. If you believe you are worthy and valuable, you are worthy and valuable. Even if you don’t believe you are worthy and valuable, guess what—you still are worthy and valuable!
So I still don't really have a measure of worth, but maybe I don't need one because it is constant. So I am just going to challenge my thoughts every time I feel my self-worth lowering because it can never be lowered! (or raised!). This is a functioning definition I can live with and will raise my quality of life.
I wish you all peace in knowing you have tremendous immutable worth.❤️
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