My marriage is over

[Possum7]

An update to a previous post but my marriage is basically over. To catch unfamiliar up, A week ago I came to my home state to stay with my mom at the request of my spouse because they needed space due to issues related to my mental health (unemployed since the beginning of the pandemic, no social life of my own as well as other things). They texted me earlier today to let me know that they had finally made some progress in processing their feelings and wanted to know if I we could arrange to talk. We talked and they basically told me that they don't want to be married anymore and that they want to be alone. We've already gone through two separations in the past 2 years and they can't take the cycle we seem to be trapped in anymore. There's still a lot of logistical stuff to figure out but I'm now moving back to my home state permanently, it seems.

Fortunately, both my younger sister and older sister were at my mom's house picking up their kids that my mom had been babysitting so they talked a lot out with me and provided me a lot of support. I'm not sure I would make it if it was just me and my mom so I'm really grateful that they jumped in to support mode.

I know I haven't fully processed everything because my spouse was absolutely the love of my life and this heartbreak is going to be unlike anything I have ever gone through, I feel like I've lost my best friend. I'm doing my best to try to be optimistic about the future and I think it will eventually feel like a relief to not feel like I am a constant disappointment to the person I care most about.

[SurvivingEveryday]

Possum,

I am so sorry to hear this. What sad news! I, too, have lost my marriage. My husband told me in October it was over, and we were finalized in February. (I think you could find my post about it if you were interested.)

So, as someone who is recently divorced and still dealing with it, here is my advice (from a place of love)

You are grieving, friend, and that is very real. A loss is a loss. You lost your marriage, and it sucks. But, try not to get into the sadness all the time. I spent weeks being sad and grieving, and it made things worse. Allow yourself to grieve, but give yourself some boundaries so that you still live also.

If you can, and one day you will be able to... try looking at it as "Change" rather than "Loss". When I put that together, it somehow helped.

This whole thing makes me so sad. I am sorry you are going through this, and wish you nothing but the best. I am always here to chat if you are interested.