12 year old daughter has completely changed

[Strongest123]

Hi everyone on here. I haven’t been on here in quite a while. I’ve struggled with OCD since childhood and fell into a deep depression a few years ago. I had a loss last year, my brother passed suddenly after a medical procedure. It was a shock to me, and I still remember the cops coming to my house to give me the news. My daughter was with me and she broke down crying. My daughter and I have always been close. She’s my only child and I’m divorced from her mom. My daughter has completely changed in the last few months. She’s not as caring, she only wants to work on her looks and talk to her best friend. It’s been hard to say the least cause I really miss the kind loving daughter she was. It really does suck. I don’t feel I have her support at all. I don’t have any family here where I live and the feeling that I no longer have her support is really painful. I haven’t stopped being the kind loving father I’ve always been. But at times I feel that her attitude is affecting my mental well being. I do realize that she’s going through her changes in life in terms of hormones but the toll in can take isn’t easy. God bless. SAMSON.

[6ixtyon1]

Wow, this is a tough situation...like yourself, it could be that your daughter is feeling "powerless," over this loss...therefore, she is shoring herself up in the only independent way that she knows how: by just concentrating upon herself and her needs. I've seen this in my own family, too, after a crisis/loss...

Have you told her how you feel? Not about how you "miss" her, necessarily, but on how you are trying to cope with the loss; then, ask her, maybe, how she is coping...it could elicit the response that you are seeking.

Mind you, that's a big "could," so maybe be looking for an accredited grief counselor/family counselor who might be able to help. If she isn't ready to go, you should, though...she might change her mind, when she sees how it's helping you.

Blessings, and the very best to you! Keep us posted!

[Mumma_h]

Dear lovely dad , firstly I’m so so sorry for. your loss, they’re aren’t any words sufficient ….just heartfelt sympathy to you 💕💕💕

In regards to your daughter how very very normal this is !!! She just hit the teenage years and they’re behaviour can just change seemingly overnight. It is NOTHING you’ve done and sounds totally normal to me. She is obviously comfortable to just be her so good job daddy ! This does not mean it dosnt hurt . Your her dad and the most important man in her life at the moment and I’m sure you mean the world to her , but she won’t always show it . This stage will pass . I was absolutely devastated when my oldest girl hit 13 and totally turned on me . I felt like the WORST mum in the world, but now we are close . Just be there for her and you’ll be totally surprised how much she will want to share about herself when she feels totally supported …… teenage girls love to talk … and talk …. once they start and feel safe ( well not just teenagers , I’m almost 50 and if I had a dad and he would listen I could talk for days I’m sure !!) anyway I just wanted to share this with you because I know how painful it is . Also no one told me this so I never did it , but I think it’s ok to tell your daughter calmly and nicely if she is being disrespectful that you won’t tolerate it and do it with lots and lots of love , because your mental health is important too . Nit that she will disrespect you , it’s just that that’s what I went through and did nothing because I though it was all my fault. Just wanted to say this because I can hear your pain and I understand 💕

[aWorriedOne]

Sorry, deleted the other post because I noticed the title again after reading.

If your daughter is 12, I am very sorry, but she shouldn't be your support system. That isn't healthy for you and for her. She is still growing and if you rely on her like that, it might take away from her childhood. I know you probably aren't doing it on purpose, but that is something to consider. A 12 year old, no matter the circumstances, will likely go from super close to very distant. She is at the stage in her life where she is becoming her own person and she needs to be able to do that.

You need to see a therapist if you can. It would be great to get her into one too, a grieving counselor can help both of you. Go out and try to make friends if you have any hobbies you used to enjoy before the passing of your brother. Other adults is what you need.

[Midori]

Sounds to me as if puberty has reared it's head. Next few years could be tough going.

Do you have a female friend who you could talk to and get some ideas, maybe? Or, if you are still in touch with your ex, perhaps she could talk to her for you.

As a female, I could manage my daughter's strops, but I didn't have clue 1 how to deal with my son. Fortunately he turned out all right, and has a good moral sense. He is still with me, as my carer, and I wish he could get out and find a job instead of looking after me.

I hope it works out for you.

Cheers, Midori