Why is it I keep feeling guilty every time I try to get in some self-care? I've been told by others with anxiety that I shouldn't. But even with that, I still can't get myself to shake off the guilt.
There is a caveat in my case. I've got some past mistakes that I've been lugging around like luggage for years now. I can't seem to leave them in the past and move on. I don't feel free....
maybe because you feel you don’t deserve it and you are always taking care of others before yourself . This article helped me realize simple self care tips . Even though they use the terms female and women I believe it can help anyone.
pelvicawarenessproject.org/...
Thanks for that. How you stated it was so simple, yet I've been trying to find the right words to express it for some time.
And the article was also very helpful. I can't believe how I could neglect my needs like that. I've been running myself ragged for years....
it’s easy sometimes to forget our own needs when we are busy or putting others needs before ours . But you can start with small things like maybe just taking a short walk around where you live or taking 10 minutes a day to do something you enjoy .
I feel it does you good to put your own needs first every now and again!
yes sometimes you have to be “selfish”
A positive lesson I have learned from getting evicted recently is about how you can say no to requests for any reason you like even if it's just because you don't want to do something rather than you genuinely can't!
A simple no that's not possible I find is sufficient and then walk away.
Oh also this website is helpful, the therapist post helpful blog post that can help !
Selfcare101.net
If somebody tells you that you should not feel guilty, that's not very likely to stop you from feeling guilty. It's like telling a clinically depressed person to cheer up.
I think it would be more helpful if you examined some of the issues that make you feel guilty and try to understand why they make you feel guilty and what the underlying processes are. You might want to discuss this with a friend or perhaps a therapist. CBT is also a good way to study and change your distorted thinking.
Also, think what you would say to somebody who came to you with these problems. How would you respond to that person and can you send respond that way to yourself?
Many of us tend to think of self-care as "indulgence", but it's not.We all have limits. But our capacity can change based on ours current state and current circumstances.
If you are short on sleep for one night, you might get through the day fine, but may feel a little slow and sleepy. If you are short on sleep for more than one day, you might need to take a nap to get through the day. If you are chronically sleep deprived, then you might need special medication, lifestyle changes, etc.
That's an example with just one biological need...but our needs are much more broad. We have many physical, social, emotional, and other types of needs.
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For an analogy, think about a car. Can a car run all day long? No, because it would run out of gas. It needs oil changes every few months, because if it runs out of oil or if the oil becomes too dirty to work properly, the engine could break down. If the tires wear out, the car can lose traction, or have a blowout, which can cause the car to crash.
Cars need maintenance. Homes, yards, businesses, families all need maintenance...
...so do you.
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For many years, I gave my all trying to do everything for my family, including trying to move up the ladder at work. I got burnt out, nearly got fired, and eventually got a better job...but because I hadn't done the self-care that was required to heal from the anxiety, I carried the anxiety with me into the new job.
I finally got wise, and started taking better care of myself. For me at the time, that meant going to counseling, and going to the doctor. I also had to let go of some expectations of myself as home. (I'd been perfectionistic, and felt that I was never doing things well enough.)
Ultimately, I realized that I could never live up to unrealistic standards that I had for myself. But then, I became more enjoyable to be around, and so my time with my family improved.
Now, my kids understand that sometimes the house is going to be a little messy, but it's worth it because Dad's not so stressed out.
For me, self-care now includes letting the dishes wait, while I play with my kids. Not very long ago, I was in counseling again, because I had started slipping down the emotional slope again.
I'm a little wiser now than I was just a couple of years ago. I hope you take away from this some understanding that self-care really is needed, in order to be your best self.
Thanks so much for that sir. I currently find myself on that slope, I'm moving upward but it's definitely been slow going lately. My habit of looking for approvals or reassurances (more than I probably should) has not helped me either. But I'm fairly confident I'll be able to resolve it, hopefully sooner than later....
The other day I had to run an errand that happened to be out of town, about 15 miles away (not that far). Anyway, I can't tell you how "refreshing" it was. Getting a handle on my anxiety enough to be able to talk with different people, see different scenery. It was almost euphoric. But later the fatigue set in, as usual.
Have a nice day sir and thanks again
I like your response. Yes, I also look for approval and reassurance; in think it's a very common trait for us. But it's important to recognize that as we gain experience, we can be better judges of our own capabilities and accomplishments.
Your use of the terms "slope" and "moving upward" made me think back to my time as a Boy Scout in my youth. A trail going up a steep hill will zigzag back and forth, often with sharp turns. (These zigzags are known as "switchbacks".) Why not just cut straight up the hill? Because it takes more effort, and can have unintended consequences, such as:
• More risk of injury to self;
• The chance to cause a landslide, which can injure other people, as well as plants and animals below;
• Even the possibility of causing permanent soil erosion, which can deface the hillside and have and alter it's ecosystem.
As a Scout, I learned to appreciate the beauty of the environment & to enjoy the journey of the trail, learned how to build & repair trails (and the importance of erosion control), and later taught the same to others.
There's more than one way to make upward progress. Some people are able to climb the cliff face. Others might not care about harm as they attempt to cut their way up the hillside. But for many of us, it takes a lot of switchbacks. We may not notice that we're making progress, until we can get to a lookout and see how far we've come.
Self Care Time
Taking care of things
Nonexistent self-esteem
Don’t care
