Just a rant

[Starling2411]

This is just a rant. I have had a rough life. Father who abused my mother, alcohol addiction of my father. Parents divorced, death of my father. A mother who has anger issues and yells at small discomfort. Seldom physical beating to me and often beating to my sister. Verbal abuse. All of this has bottled up now. Since 2020 I have gotten into a habit of Yelling when things get bad particularly when someone else yells. I have spoiled my voice because of this. But I can't help it scares me when someone yells so I yell even louder to shut them down. I wish I was more of a escaper who could just shut down. 2 days ago at a particular bad fight when my mother started Yelling I started screaming and acting like a child. I recently have gotten into a habit of hitting myself. I was so out of control I started hitting myself in front of my younger sister and mother. I even picked up a knife to cut myself because I was begiing my mother to stop Yelling and she wouldn't listen . And I don't know if I was going to kill myself or I am being manipulative. I just don't want to be this way anymore . I don't want to be like this anymore. I hate myself.

[Hidden]

To me you sound like you have a lot of frustration boiling up inside of you and you’re getting near a breaking point. I am living in a tense situation myself, although yours sounds worse than mine. Stay away from knives and other sharp objects and weapons. Try to do things like get away from the house for awhile or write out on paper how angry you’re feeling. Know that a lot of the time it’s best to walk away and not engage with someone who’s yelling at you. Don’t take the bait. If you yell back you’re escalating things. That’s the best I can think of to say to you.

[Atthepark]

I would get help immediately and check yourself into a psych unit u sound dangerous to yourself and other call suicide hotline