Tips needed! | Conversating W/Neurodivergence - How do you conversate without alot of anxiety or feeling inadequate?

[IneptRamble]

On the spectrum, we have a hard time understanding or reading social ques. My main problem with communication from what I believe is not knowing (when and if) I should say something. I say this because often-times my post or messages are overlooked in a lot of places. Then what usually follows is I get confused, or begin to feel sad about maybe "not being engaging enough," or "maybe I rambled on to much." - basically I over-analyze things and it generates me anxiety.

Take for instance, a scenario that occurs often in a lot of communication servers.

`(An open chatroom with "several people typing.")`

`Me: (Either; hi) or (*sharing a message that relates to the conversation*)`

`Chat: (often overlooks these messages, and continues talking amongst themselves.) `

From what I've observed, maybe it would help if I focus on a single individual in the room? - Asking them a question directly within the chatroom. Following up with more questions around that subtopic and then later (potentially engaging) others in the conversation as well? - let me know what you think of that.

And feel free to send tips my way!

I currently am working with a therapist and physiatrist so this doesn't substitute anything, but general tips from the electronically literate population are appreciated.

[fauxartist]

Maybe if you said up front what your issues with trying to converse with others were, and also found a group that would be much more accommodating to your pace of conversation and how you communicate, it would be more comfortable and a better social experience for you. I know people on the spectrum often are misunderstood because maybe you don't have all the cool slang and innuendos in your vocabulary, and you're more literal when you speak. For those who are impatient and not willing to be understanding, that is where I can see that would be frustrating for you. I wouldn't give up of course, but maybe keep looking in different groups until you find one that fits best with your style. Your important and what you have to say matters...hang in there.

[IneptRamble in reply to fauxartist]

There are two ways to interpret the first tip; 1, find a different online community instead of this one - I've tried - and alot of people with anxiety struggle with communication.

Or 2, find different groups of people who may be more accommodating while seeking communication. - I am working on this to build my social skills.

While I agree it's certainly helpful for a individual like me, I don't think practicing this forever would be useful. If I want to appeal to a wider audience I'd have to accommodate others, not have them accommodate me. There is ways to mask Autism, to appear more normal but I wasn't eligible for those therapies in school since I was high functioning. Maybe I should try to revisit that?... I could always try again but since I'm an adult now not sure how it'd work since early intervention is what's most effective.

Thank you for the kind words at the end, greatly appreciated!

[fauxartist in reply to IneptRamble]

I think you're in a good place here with this crowd, we all have our own stuff and there are others dealing with being on the Spectrum here as well. I watched a program about a weekly host that does a program every week about farms and animals etc., and he never told anyone he had to learn how to, if you will...'fake it', because of his autism. It's a kind of play-acting, he said of trying to emulate others actions and responses, so he would appear to be just one of the cast on the show.

He cannot look anyone in the eye, so he looks just about the hair line, if they have one of course, but that helps him focus. In his safe space at home, he can drop the mask and be himself, which often entails repetitive movements and liking to be in a quiet space. There were three people he interviews in this documentary with various levels of autism, and it was outstanding, one guy was unable to interact socially much, he didn't speak, and the host thought of an idea, the young man was given a tablet with a voice as he typed the words....he was a terrific writer it turns out, very eloquent and astute in his writing....all his friends and family were just blown away, as was I....he was finally able to speak.

[IneptRamble in reply to fauxartist]

That documentary is amazing! Thank you for sharing that! So if I'm understanding this correctly this host interviewed three people with autism, while having autism himself? I'm sure I can draw inspiration from this individual there, and the others in this documentary. The end bit of your reply, I agree, it must've been surprising for his family, sometimes people with Autism possess savant abilities since they hyperfocus on few interests.

Is this documentary available on Youtube? If so I'd love to get a link to it

[fauxartist in reply to IneptRamble]

The few kids I was with during my college break jobs were incredibly intelligent. It's a myth and a huge ignorance on the average persons' perception of autistic kids being mentally empared. The film on Temple Grandin's life was very, very good at explaining that loud noises, and a lot of cacophony going on was painful, an input overload, and just too much all at once to process, and it made her very uncomfortable and often panic. She liked the cows and horses because she bonded with them empathically, if you will. There was an inner quietness she felt being with them.

The name of the documentary is:

Chris Packham's new documentary ' Inside Our Autistic Minds'

[IneptRamble in reply to fauxartist]

I can relate with her, bonding with animals is rather easy especially cats or rabbits, who are always quiet 😂- giving you the ability to study their body language if you will. Over time I learned from my cat what what certain behaviors mean for her and other cats. Unfortunately humans are more intimidating then cats so it’s a bit harder.

Thanks for giving me two media sources, I’ll be sure to check them out!

[fauxartist in reply to IneptRamble]

Your in the right place, most people here have a hard time with people in general for various reasons...I'm glad you're here sharing, it helps everyone to relate.

[Hidden]

Hi. I’m a lot older than you, I’m a 52 year old woman who was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder back when I was 16, and sometimes the more I hear and try to learn about autism, the more I wonder if I might have some form of autism myself. It can sometimes be difficult communicating online because since it’s not someone’s speaking voice, you’re not sure about the tone of what someone is saying. And this site has people on it from all over the world. Sometimes I feel like I say or write rather stupid or blunt words sometimes that I immediately wish I hadn’t said, and it can feel exhausting feeling like I should apologize all the time. And I have a tendency to ramble and sometimes be unfocused. So these thoughts and feelings you’re having about communicating online, I would bet that many other people out there feel the exact same way.

[IneptRamble in reply to Hidden]

thank you for the kind words! I agree with your points, you sound like a relatable person in many aspects, so there are probably more people like you who I can feel not alone with.