Feeling Alone

[AuntiKiwi]

I’ve been struggling the last several years with feeling very lonely. When I moved in with my husband it was a move into a small town with limited people and of course all the gossip and drama that comes with a small town. He grew up here so he has all of his childhood friends and all of his family here. My family is spread apart from a few hours away to states away, the closest ones with strained relationships. The only jobs I’ve had here have been a 911 dispatcher that worked night shifts completely by myself and now I work from home. I did try becoming friends with the girls on the other shift in dispatch, but again with all the small town gossip it ended very quickly. So neither gave me the opportunity to work with other people and make friends that way. We do get invited to go on double dates with other couples that my husband has been friends with and I’ve made my best attempt to make friends with all the wives. But whenever I ask to go do a girls brunch or anything else I’ve been repeatedly turned down or cancelled on last minute. It’s like they only want to hang out if we are doing it as a couple. My husband works shift work with 12 hour days, so when he’s not available it’s very lonely. It’s hard when his phone is always blowing up with friends and family that want to talk to him, but if I ever want to talk with someone I am the one that has to reach out. We also have decided not to have children and so all of the friends we do have are already having theirs and does make it harder. I don’t want to keep going like this, but I’m at loss. It feels like why keep reaching out I’m only going to keep getting turned down because it hurts a lot. How do I learn to live with the fact that I might be my only friend?

[Hidden]

Sometimes you are the only person right, Loner used to it now - you protect yourself against harmful toxic people and you start thinking for yourself and you keep on going. Hobbies, interests - new knowledge helps Philosophy, new topic helps you think/shows you different ways to think - read anything and you grow any way you can

[Renizzle2023]

hey I feel that. I’m usually the one that reaches out too, both with friends and family.

Maybe since the girls aren’t being friendly, try making wholesome friendships with the guys or with the younger generation. Guys can actually be a lot less demanding as friends, typically gossip less, and if you find common interests, be a lot more fun.

Hope you find your people.

[NYCmom2]

Online book club? Art classes nearby? Volunteer at a non profit or religious organization? Find or create a meetup.com group for couples of any age who don’t have children. Hang out with retirees. Have friendly visits with the elderly in the neighborhood and offer to run errands once a week? Join a group exercise class just to be surrounded by people and get endorphins. Sign up for newsletters for any business in the area you’re interested in and see what social events they run (library, book store, comedy club, pet shelter, botanical garden, museums or historical sites, hobby supply store etc).

I’ve found myself lonely and semi-isolated in New York City many times over the 24 years I’ve lived here. It’s a dynamic and ever changing place you can get lost or feel left behind when people move. Each time I’ve had to be open and seek out social engagement niches.