What is this feeling?

[LynnSalv]

Something just happened. In my college social circle, something happened that made me feel as if some members of the group were being excluded and I would hate that to happen to them, so I tried my best to fix things so that everyone felt included but apparently there was no issue, it was just me overthinking about things. It felt really similar to a family situation, where there is no safe space in your family and you feel like you can be dropped off or abandoned at any time (like how kids with insecure attatchment style are made).

I usually try not to cry because I dont want anyone to notice and get worried, but I couldnt hold back anymore. My arms shaked, the feeling that I needed to hurt myself was strong and I did it a few times (my "version" of self harm is just punching myself in the thighs, arms, stomach and face, that way nobody notices). I cried, shaked, hurt myself, and I kept on crying for about 5 minutes. What is this?

None of my previous "episodes" have been like that. I just inmediately poped relaxing music on youtube but it didn´t work. Fortunately, when I poped a normal video and watched it I relaxed, then slept for 20 minutes and feel much better. But this has never happened to me with such intensity, I am usually able to control the sadness/anger/void feeling. Does anyone know what is this? I have ruined many social relationships with people due to my "bad attitude", but I dont want it to continue

Sorry for the long text, I just wanted to let it out in someway. I never had a space where I could share these things so freely, so it feels refreshing. If you read all of it, thank you very much ☺️

[Gingerbreadman1978]

hi just read your comments firstly will do you good to get it off your chest and explain how you feel over thinking things gets you no where I do that as well sometimes it’s like sat in a rocking chair gives you some thing to do but gets you no where as for hurting your self when you get the urge depending where you are set your self a goal go running do 1 mile maybe more or 25 push ups I see your 21 so should be full of energy excercise is always good for you clears your head don’t know if replying helps but good luck 👍

[LynnSalv in reply to Gingerbreadman1978]

It does help, thanks a lot, Gingerbread <3

[CheezyBee]

Hi, I'm here to be your help cuz you sent me quite good advice for me about my bf I wanna help you in the same way you supported me

I think you are a little bit similar to my bf.( Not completely tho.) So you don't have to think like you are weird you are not alone Maybe I can't give you any helpful advice but I think letting your feelings out is very good for you so you can use here anytime I know Sometimes it is not easy to do tho.

But anyway, I can help you anytime

[LynnSalv in reply to CheezyBee]

Wow, you are so nice Cheezy 🥰

It is nice knowing that your bf is similar to me in regards to our mental health problems, that means that any advice I can give you can help and any advice you can get from him is going to be very valuable, thank you so much

By all means, you can text me the advice anytime. I today have been finally diagnosted oficially with dysthymia, so at the moment any advice will help a lot, as I need to now face the reality of my condition.

But anyways, thank you for your kindness ☺️