It's too much. All the medical procedures. Homesick. Getting into hospital on Monday

[Against_the_current]

For my nose not mental health. But it's one hell of a time booking it all, going through all kinds of proffesionals. In Bulgaria something hurts you, you go to doc 1 , they send you to doc 2, they send you to doc 3, they send you to tests. You end up either okay or hospitalised or worse from all those appointments. One task a day knocks me out. I need someone to talk to about that but my therapists and psychiatrist can do nothing but trigger me more as well. My friend appeared out of the blue and said i can visit her doctor but I didn't know im going to hospital on monday and i guess she will be mad asking the doc to see me and me not being sure. I can't change my medication rn, i just need someone to talk to. One task a day and im in knockdown. I went to give some tests for my belly ache, then to the nose doc who wants me in hospital and then the tv(my main comfort) lagged and i just had to repair it, then called and booked the hospital grandma wanted but i couldn't get a private room because they were already booked while i was at the lab, doctor and repairing the tv. I got mad at myself. I have to be in a room with Grandma now, hopefully no more people. Even grandma herself told me to book myself a private room but i couldn't. And she said "you book, i can't, my heart is so bad, im litterary dying, im at work, work can't function without me blah blah blah". Mom same. But apparently MOM SAID SHE WILL COME to my hospitalisation. It was hers idea to start all this madness with my runny nose. And im worried whether i can do it alone or i need her or if she trigggers me more. I can't function from Anxiety and i have so much responsibilities. Im also homesick. The warm weather reminds me of playing with the kids in my homecity in the playground. But now they're all grown up. My sister will be too. And she will probably go to Holland or England to study. Forget me. I can't move on. Actually nobody can. Everyone gets nostalgic to childhood as they get older. I can't stop her, she will say "but you're not even coming home, why should I be there". Imaginary conversations in my head. So it's possible for mom to pick me up back to homecity after the hospital visit but idk how this will impact my mental health as im afraid of mom and home. And i have an exam and idk if sis will want to talk with me after my mental breakdowns last week and being mad at her for telling dad. It's so messed up - i can't do appointments meanwhile i have with the nose doctor, have to do EMDR, had tests, had with the allergologist, have an exam. Idk how to plan it. I just don't see myself making it through the exam. And it will be hard to explain because everyone thinks im just "doing nothing all day". I moved my EMDR appointment for after my exam. I fell asleep at 2pm and woke up at 10pm (one hour ago) because i was so exhausted from the lab, doc and booking

[Hidden]

One day at a time, one thing at a time. You're going through a lot hun. Allow yourself to feel that it's ok to not be ok.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

I needed this

[Raelyn71]

Hello, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. EMDR does help if you can get to your appointment. If not, I found something else that you can do by yourself that can help. EFT tapping. It's amazing. You just tap yourself on the meridians and it can calm the storm so to speak. Google TheTappingSolution.com It's a website that has direction on how to do the tapping and the words to repeat while you tap. I have been doing it for 2 weeks now and it works. This is the best advice I can give. Please give it a try.

[Hidden in reply to Raelyn71]

I've heard of tapping and how therapeutic it can be, good idea! 👍🏻

[Against_the_current in reply to Raelyn71]

Thank you so much

[HisDaughter]

It's a lot! But it's so good that you wrote. We have to keep trying to feel better. Walking outside regularly helps a lot, but for some of us that's a lot of work. I just know in my head that some things are good for us and I still keep trying to have good habits. For years I've desired to ride a bike regularly, but I still haven't done it. I used to love riding a bike, but then depression took over. I'm glad you have TV as entertainment. I love to watch movies and that's the only thing I do for fun. But physical activities are better for us. Especially outdoors. You are brave! It was very good of you to post. I just lost a child close to me to cancer. So young! It hurts a lot and he suffered a lot. Your struggles are big too and I am sorry! I've had similar experiences. There's a chant we say at the end of Celebrate Recovery meetings: "Keep coming back, it works if you work it and work it 'cause you're worth it." I'd like to say to you to keep working it because you're worth it. That's the truth. Each one of us is very valuable. We have to continue to fight our adversities. Easier said than done for some of us, but we have to press on. You are strong! Thank you for writing. It helps you and it helps us to see we are not the only ones going through these kinds of problems. "Be strong and courageous," God said.

[Against_the_current in reply to HisDaughter]

Thank you 🙏. I really feel better writing it here and recieving kind words like yours and advice. Irl people criticise me, say im too much or negative. But im just genuine. I'm just myself needing help and being open to my struggles. I want people to know they aren't alone. I even post my pictures real and recieve crititism that im fat but the only friends i ever had in both school and university suffer ED... While writing the tv bugged again. My somatic anxiety response is so wired to the tv since i was a baby. Mom used to ground me without tv and watch me go crazy because i need something on the background or my thoughts eat me alive. Sorry if i got too much, just been having a panic attack. You're so kind. Thank you for your encouragement

[HisDaughter in reply to Against_the_current]

You're welcome.

Therapists explained to me that people don't have training and are not professionals who can always help us when we share what's happening inside us. And I'm talking about us who struggle with mental health ailments. We can have so much pain inside and we don't always receive kindness when we talk about ourselves. People don't always understand, and some are mean. But here we can share openly. It's good to talk about how we feel. I hope that God blesses you a lot. Life is not very easy. Stay strong!

[Against_the_current in reply to HisDaughter]

Thank you. You too