Thank you to each and every single one of you, who have shared, with me and sent prayers and blessings!!!!
I have always been able to take a battering, and get up and walk away. Lately the old wounds want to open up and see how badly I bleed. Not physical wound, mind you, but the type of wounds you can't see in a persons eyes. I, myself, don't know how badly I am broken. The scary part is I'm not sure I want to know. My dreams are invaded nighty, that is the very few hours, I actually sleep. If I bring these horrors into the light. Will I survive, the indignity, pain and knowing that I have carried this for so long. I can not say, what it feel like to feel normal. Because I have no idea what normal is supposed to feel like. Will I know the difference if I should find it. The part that seems to me is I feel my spirit is weak and need of rest. That part of me I can't afford to lose is dying. It has been that voice that said "GET UP" when had been beaten down. My head and my heart know that I must go on, my time on this earth is not finished yet. I don't know what to do next, how do I find the strength, to fight the battle that is life. I thought that after I had done my part in this world there would night to stop and do some of the things, I have waited patiently to do. Yes, I'm a little angry today, it's not right, but it is the only thing I can feel. God, I wish I go fishing!
Thank you for reading, I didn't think anyone would read them!
Ramping up
Feel like I fell down the well
How do you expect me to heal
Meditation... how does it help you. I can see the short-term value in it for calming and relaxation but I do not get the long-term value. 
